Board Games of Christmas

It's the last day of the year...that makes this a double posting day!

Our family loves board games.  We love to spend time playing them, but we also love finding new ones for each other.  This has become true as we find games for other family members such as our parents or nieces and nephews.  This year was an especially great year for board games.



Dominion was the main present for the boy from his grandmother this year; his South Dakota cousin had received the same game from his parents, so they were thrilled to play it together. This is not a difficult game on the surface but can become more and more difficult as one plays it.  The boy claims that there are over one hundred million possible game permutations based on the number of players, which cards are used, etc.  I gave it a whirl on Wednesday morning, and I am sure that I will play it again and enjoy it. The boy and his cousins enjoyed playing this together in the community room at grandma's house.  The youngest cousin is ten years old; it might be a stretch for some kids of that age, but a bright ten year old will be able to hold her own.

We purchased Say Anything for the South Dakota nephews this year and then suggested it to my side of the family as well.  This game combines the uncertainties of Apples to Apples with elements from other games including "bidding" on each other's responses.  This is a great game for players of all ages allowing family members of multiple generations to play one game together. As with all board games, the more competitive the players, the more likely a little tiff will occur over an interpretation of the answers.  Overall, however, this game is pretty tiff-free.

Last year, we happened upon Scribblish.  The game combines elements of Pictionary and Telephone as the layers of rounds include drawing and interpreting the drawings...only to then have drawings occur again.  My North Dakota nephews love this game and were thrilled that we could spend yesterday afternoon cooking and playing games. The downside is that it requires some drawing abilities, but as long as one is willing to be adventurous and be a good sport, there is some likelihood of success.  There is voting involved, and that is always a warning light for me as it could result in tiffs.

As I mentioned in a previous post, my present from the kids was my current favorite board game - Small World.  This moved up into the favorite position replacing my formerly favorite board game - Ticket to Ride: Europe.  Small World is great fun.  I think it has elements of Risk in it, but having not actually played a game of Risk in my life, this is just a guess.  Other board games that sit next to me as I type this are Liebrary (much like the old Dictionary game) and Wits and Wagers.  I am not sure if we are going to get to these games this week, though.

Board games seem to me a most important aspect of family life that must remain for centuries to come.  As our culture becomes more and more pulled into technology that keeps us isolated from each other and conversation, we need to find ways to sit around the table and engage with friends and family members. Whether a board game or a meal, this is necessary.

With that - I'm going to sign off...I think some people are waiting for me to play a game with them!

Super Savories in the City

Last week, the pastor huz and I wrapped up premarriage counseling with a couple getting married in January.  For our last session, we always meet up at a restaurant to discuss finances. That seems to be a good combination, right?  Food and money.  The huz chose a cozy restaurant in the heart of the Northside in Minneapolis - only a few miles from our house and right in the midst of where the tornado hit back in May.  The Lowry Cafe, named for the street where one can find the cafe, is a wonderful find.  The huz had been there previously, but I had not.  I am so glad that we went there!

The overall atmosphere of The Lowry Cafe is inviting and warm.  The dining area has high ceilings, a good combination of booths and tables, and lighting that can change throughout the day or to meet the occasion.  The owner/chef mingles with diners, asks about how they liked the food, and takes praise and criticism equally well.  The prices reflect the economics of the area - an appealing factor as some other recently opened Northside establishments have prices higher than what residents can afford.  This is truly a Northside cafe for those who live on the Northside rather than a cafe located in the Northside that attracts consumers from other parts of the city who can afford the higher priced food.



The appropriately priced food does not lower the quality of the food in the least.  The huz and I split a walleye sandwich and chicken wings.   The walleye had a great taste to them, but the breading was a bit on the light side.  If the walleye would have had more breading, I would say it was an "A" without a doubt.  There were too many choices to decide from in terms of how to have the wings prepared, so we made up our own order.  We ordered them with a chipotle spiced rub and had buffalo sauce and teriyaki sauce on the side with some bleu cheese and celery.  I would order the wings with the rub on them again any day of the week!  It had a little smokey flavor to it, and I really enjoyed the flavor.

A big plus in our experience: the server left the pitcher of water with us at the table.  This rocked because I was still getting over pneumonia and needed a lot of water.  The server was attentive but gave us our space; this is huge in my book!  I like to have my needs covered but do not like the server to hover.  And rather than scold me when I stood on the booth seat to shoot a picture for the blog the employees just had a little conversation about me...it was not too obvious, but I am always on the look out for reactions.

Overall, I enjoyed our experience and would go back to The Lowry Cafe again.  I have high hopes that this establishment remains open and can be a part of the commercial revitalization of Lowry Ave North.

PS: Apparently, I am not the only one who thinks that this restaurant rocks.  According to their Facebook post yesterday, the Star Tribune named them a Restaurant of the Year!

Drug Testing to Get a Job - Part Two

In yesterday's post, I obviously hit a nerve!  The only other post of mine that has had that many hits was back on November 1, 2011, when I wrote about adoption.

Yesterday I shared a picture from my local Cub Food store that indicated their policy about drug testing and that potential employees must pass their drug tests in order to receive a job.  A few people commented on the post with a variety of ideas about whether this is a good policy or not.  I am thrilled to have some comments on my blog!

In the post yesterday, I intentionally did not share my own thoughts, but I will now.

I think that employers should have the right to expect sober employees.  Someone who applies for a job and cannot pass a drug test when they are warned about it may not have the self-control needed to anything that the employer expects such as follow directions or follow through on a task.  Employees under the influence may not have appropriate control over their reactions to situations or customers, and this is a big deal in many situations.  When emergencies arise, being sober is always a good thing.

If I pay someone to do a job for me, I have the right to expect that they do their best.  Those under the influence are not likely to do their best.  Additionally, the sign at Cub indicates that the test is for illegal drug use.  When I pay someone to do a job for me, I want someone to hire someone who is a law-abiding citizen.  If that person does not like the law, then that person - a citizen in a democracy - can work to change the law.  Until then, I think it is reasonable for me to expect that they follow the law or face the consequences such as not being hired for a job.

While some employers have unreasonable expectations of their employees, I do not think that Cub's expectation that employees are sober is unreasonable.  In fact, as a frequent customer at Cub, I would prefer that any employee in the store be sober and able to handle situations to the best of his or her sober self.

I do understand that readers may disagree - that is your right.  I just ask you to consider this: if your child has a seizure in the store, are you ok with someone under the influence being the first person on the scene making the 911 call?

An addition at 10:51 a.m. today:  So - I have read the comments and realize that I still hold to my position but that I have a horrible argument!  Can someone else support my position better than I do?  Thanks!

Drug Testing to Get a Job?

A few weeks back, this sign caught my eye.  I took the picture knowing that at some point I would want to use the picture in my blog

Thoughts?  Please share!

Please note: I have intentionally not stated my thoughts as I would really like to hear from readers today!

Impact of Social Media

Since Sunday, our family has been staying with family. The place is without any www contact except for the phones we along and the occasional stop at McDonald's and a little wifi time. What is life like when we unplug from our email, Facebook, blogs, and texting? For me, it seems pretty boring and lacks contact with the "real" world. I even get prayer request from church on my email! I am so thankful that my phone gets decent reception in the depths of South Dakota.

While we have been visiting, a couple of relatives are hospitalized. The phone rings (a landline!) several times a day with updates. I mentioned to my huz that this shocks me; he reminded me that it is no different than my phone buzzing with an update by phone, text, or email. Although technology has changed the method and speed by which we receive information, we are communal - news, whether good or bad, needs to be shared.

I ran across a YouTube video that examined how the Christmas story would have been impacted by a social media age.

Check it out by clicking on this sentence.

In this time between Christmas and the new year, it is good to pause and consider how we share news.

What news is appropriately shared via text, email, and Facebook?

I would love for readers to share their thoughts in the comment section.

Happy Wednesday!!

Giving Back

Today, I would like to share a link to an article about my sixth grader teacher, Bonnie Cameron.  Bonnie and I have stayed in touch over the years, and I am happy to call her friend.  She has inspired, supported, and challenged me for 26 years.

 

Click here to read the article found on the Grand Forks Herald website on December 23.

Have you had a teacher who has stayed in touch with you over the years?  What have the benefits of that been for you in your life?  Are there teachers you wish had stayed in contact with you over the years?  How have they inspired you?

The Advent Grinch

Yesterday was Christmas!  It was a great day for the family, a great day of travel, and a great Christmas service at church.  The sermon was fantastic - it always is in my eyes (my huz is the pastor, but objectively speaking - he is one of the best).  In addition an inspiring sermon, though, was a thought-provoking advent meditation.  I asked the author/speaker if I could share his thoughts in my blog today, and he agreed.

Ben Sonquist is a science teacher who also has a great mind for theology; he and my huz have attended conferences about science and theology together.  He and his wife Amy are the Sunday School teachers for my children's class as of January 8, and I am thrilled!  They have three sons who helped him out with the Scripture reading yesterday.  Thank you, Ben, for sharing your thoughts on my blog today!



Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, but I have a tendency to be a real Grinch.

A big part of my Scroogly ways has to do not with Christmas itself but with everything that leads up to Christmas. You could say my problem with Christmas is advent.

The beginning of the advent season marks the beginning of the angst season for me. Between scheduling the family visits, getting the kids here and there, budgeting gifts, and the barrage of holiday related commercials my focus quickly shifts to what’s wrong with Christmas rather than what’s right.

Over the advent season we have heard sermons and testimonies with themes like: Be the Light, Make the Most of Every Opportunity, Be Missionally Minded and Be the Miracle. These have been excellent reminders for me and have acted in a way that corrects my Christmas course.

Another reminder has come in reading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis. The letters are written from the perspective of a demon that is mentoring his nephew demon on how to corrupt his human patient. The book is set in 1940's England but it might as well have been written about me today.

In the 11th letter Screwtape (the elder more experienced demon) reprimands his nephew for trying to leverage common fun things for corrupting his patient. In his reprimand he describes the danger of fun. (Remember this is written from the demons perspective)

Fun is closely related to Joy—a sort of emotional froth arising from the play instinct. It is very little use to us. It can sometimes be used, of course, to divert humans from something else which the Enemy would like them to be feeling or doing: but in itself it has wholly undesirable tendencies; it promotes charity, courage, contentment, and many other evils.

Screwtape is wary of fun because he recognizes that everything that is good comes from God and fun is good.

Christmas, and everything that leads up to it, is fun. Visiting family is fun. Giving and receiving gifts is fun. Even commercials on TV are fun.  Screwtape knew that the pure joy in these is dangerous but they can also be twisted to distract us from our Father’s (his enemies) will.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 says: Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

During Christmas I need to remember to be joyful even when I don’t feel like it because there is a lot of fun to be had. During Christmas I need to pray continually because even though everything that is good comes from God it is easy to lose sight of that. During Christmas I need to give thanks because I have been blessed with so much and it is all from God.  And I need to do all of this because it is God's will for me, and you, in Christ Jesus.

 

Christmas in the Parsonage

We had a great day yesterday as we celebrated Christmas with just the four of us.

First thing in the morning - stocking stuffers which included items that each person would really love; the boy loves graphic t-shirts.  I do not obey very well.  My favorite part of my stocking stuffer was the Scottish shortbread cookies.  I did share!



Breakfast was next: croissant French toast with bacon (Hackenmueller's, of course!).

The boy then read us the Christmas story...it was good to pause and remember the reason for the season.  As we continue to reflect tomorrow at our church service, I will remain inspired by my children and their dedication to celebration and remembrance.

Presents were next!  My gift = my favorite board game: Smallworld.  The huz's gift = an expansion pack for the same game.  The girl bought an expansion pack that we had never used before (we usually borrow the game from friends) for the boy which added elements to the game that we discovered that we love as we played the game twice.  The huz won the first round.  We played again later in the day, and I smoked the family with my Imperial Skeletons.  The game is fabulous!  Some may object to some of the fantasy characters, but I love the game overall.

The board game - Quelf - was next on the day's agenda.  The boy agreed to let me post a video of one of his turns.  The game is a lot of fun - especially for groups with a bunch of people in varying age groups.  Unfortunately, the size of the file would upload into this format.  Oh well!

Dinner: homemade lasagna with little meatballs.  YUM!

We ended the evening with a family movie night.

GREAT day!

Only at an Italian Restaurant!

On Thursday night, the huz and I decided to treat ourselves to a date night in the midst of the chaos that is illness and Christmas prep.  The kids were babysitting for a nearby family, and we had a bunch of things to get done.  But - hey - start the night off right with a little yummy cooking.  We wanted to pick up a gift card (because they had monetary incentives to do so!) from our favorite neighborhood Twin Cities Italian restaurant anyway, so we left the ideas of Uptown behind and headed into Robbinsdale to Nonna Rosa's where we are never disappointed and always feel at home.

I have blogged about this fine restaurant previously (back on the former blog site), and I could probably do so about once a month because we go there that often!  When we sat down, the huz already knew that he wanted Veal Parmesan, but I did want to hear the specials.  My heart skipped a beat when the server said they had Baked Stuffed Shrimp - my favorite dish from my favorite Italian haunt in Cranston, Rhode Island, where I spent many a fine summer since early in my childhood. I try to get there once a year to visit my grandmother...and have her to take me to Twin Oaks for Baked Stuffed Shrimp.  When the server said this, my mouth started to water, and I could taste the yum.  However, I was smart enough to clarify the ingredients before ordering the meal.  Once the ingredients were shared, I knew I would not be satisfied - not that mussels, scallops, and other seafood (that I'm not fond of...simply a shrimp and lobster gal) wouldn't be great for someone else.  Just not me.

We went with the Veal Parmesan - never a bad choice - with Caesar Salad - also never a bad choice.  They, of course, bring yummy bread.  I added on the Peroni Beer Cheese Soup because I had wanted some ever since seeing in on their Facebook post the day before when I was still loopy and exhausted from having walking pneumonia.  I love it when servers reference alcohol as if we are supposed to know what it means (who knew that Peroni is a brand - maybe flavor - of beer?) as in the name of the soup and then also in the name of creme brulee for the evening.  Fortunately, we know that we love the Bailey's flavored creme brulee even though we have no idea what straight (or mixed with other liquid) Bailey's tastes like.  The flavor of the evening was something that meant orange.  We had heard of this previously and decided we wanted to try it.  We discovered later (info on the bathroom stall) that homemade gelato (pistachio, wild berry, or salted caramel) would have been a possibility as well.  We almost ordered that to go as the "something that meant orange" flavor was not our favorite.

Well - the meal aside, the evening took a fun turn as we ate our dessert.  As I returned from the restroom (needed to rest), I caught the tale end of the conversation between the huz and our server.  Turns out that she is from North Dakota as well and from just a little north of Grand Forks.  When she came back by the table, we talked some more about it - and GUESS WHAT?   We are almost related!!!!

Well...not exactly - but close enough that we could have attended the same wedding or funeral at some point or still could.  I just had to map this out a bit to be sure, but our "relation" is only by marriage.

My Grandma’s sister’s son’s wife is her great aunt.  We share a cousin...her cousin is my cousin.  That makes us nearly related!!!

Only in an Italian restaurant - where we already feel like family because they know our names, what we like to eat, and where we like to sit - can something great like this happen!  Ok...to be honest...it happens all the time all over the world.  But how long would it have taken for us to figure this out?

The best part: we are going to Widman's Candy to pick up some Chippers because my almost-relative wants some.  :)

Watch for the blog post!  Merry Christmas Eve!

 

Turns Out...I Had Walking Pneumonia...

Short Post Friday is here!  It is the first time that I have officially celebrated Short Post Friday, but this is a good week to do it.  I have a lot going on (not like it's the week before Christmas!!!), and - well - as the title says, I am also sick.

In my post earlier this week, I mentioned that I experienced a crash over the weekend.  Or at least that is what I thought.  I went to the doctor on Wednesday because I had not slept the night before due to a dry, hacking cough and then a burning in my chest.  Turns out - I have walking pneumonia.  Lovely! The week before Christmas!  Just what I need as I wrap things up at work and at home before taking off for a week of time with family - some of whom are well into their eighties.  Being around them and contagious with a pneumonial (yes, I made that up)-type illness would not be good!  I am well medicated and on the mend.  Huzzah!

The hard part about having bipolar disorder and then being sick is that it is hard to know which one is which and then which one came first in a weekend when I just crash.  I could have been crashing; it was about time for that.  And it turns out I was getting sick. So was the crash just sickness that I had not identified yet?  Or was the crash there and then making me susceptible to illness?  Either, both, or some combination seems to be quite possible.  And in the end, does it matter?  I obviously did not fight off the illness well even though I slept quite a bit over the weekend thinking it was a crash.  I just got sicker and ended up needing antibiotics!

My daughter experienced something similar this summer while she was working at Village Creek Bible Camp in Iowa.  She has asthma, and summer camp seems to be wrought with the allergens which exacerbate her condition.  She is a great worker, though, and loves camp. She loves the kids, she loves family camp, and she loves her co-workers.  As the summer went on, she experienced a number of asthma related issues, spent some time in the small town ER (which, by the way, was awesome and much cheaper than our city hospitals!), and came home from the summer still not quite well.  Her illness-like self continued into the school year.  After she kept missing day after day, I pushed a doctor to a second mono test.

Guess what?  She most likely had mono at some point over the summer.  So - what came first?  Asthma or mono?  It didn't really matter because one masked the other.  Asthma does not require one to rest, but mono does.  Once the child can breathe again, all should be well...but it was not well, and she kept having symptoms that eventually left her in a weakened condition and another asthma attack.  But she had mono!

This kind of thing happens all the time.  It is frustrating.  But - when it happens, it does make me think that we need to constantly be asking more questions and digging deeper.  Rarely is anything what it seems on the surface - with just about anything - and a little time and investigation will likely get to the root of the issue.  That is what needs to be addressed, and then all can be well.

As I write this, I think of how true this is in a lot of things....and so much for the short post...

(PS: this is a time when I am just seriously writing as I think...and my mind often takes an exit from one road and zooms down another - related but very different - highway.)

I work for Minnesota Virtual High School, one of the largest online schools in Minnesota, as the dean of students.  In that role, I am mostly known as the truancy lady.  My job is to get kids to log on and do their schoolwork.  Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, right?  So not.  Kids are kids.  And kids who avoid school do so for a reason.  It doesn't really matter what the reason is, though, the law is that they have to go to school.  That's all fine and dandy for the lawmakers, but it is not so easy for me.  If fining kids made them go back to school, we could just do that.  But - finding out what the root issue is ... and then solving that ... that is the key.

I sat in a meeting recently where this was so true.  The student had issues that were not being addressed, so she quit doing schoolwork.  Guess what?  It got the parents' attention when I sent that letter home saying we were going to court if this was not resolved.  As the story unraveled and needs were revealed, the parents agreed to some things and the student agreed to some things.  There was a lot of work involved for everyone, including some people at the school, but I am hopeful that this student will be successful.

There you have it - a little lesson in Stacy's racing mind.  Walking pneumonia and bipolar to asthma and mono ends a little family systems theory and school attendance issues.

Can I hear an "uff da"????

Happy Friday, all!

White Christmas? Guess Not?

Christmas and the Blues

Last week, I wrote a post that discussed an observation that I had of a worker at a nursing home and her aversion to Christmas.  A good friend and pastor in North Dakota - Danelle Olson - commented on the post, and I have asked him to collaborate with me on today's post to provide a Christian perspective on Christmas and mental health.  Thanks, Danelle!

Danelle and I share are kindred spirits in that we each have a mental illness diagnosis, but we are impacted by it differently.  I shared about my diagnosis and a bit of its impact on my life in a post titled "Bipolar Nature."  Danelle - could you share a bit about your story?

I grew up in Bowman, ND and attended both elementary and high school there. From the time I stepped into the kindergarten classroom until the time I graduated from high school, I struggled immensely with anxiety.  I worried about everything from grades to social activities in an exaggerated manner, but was never formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) until much later in life. 

I have served the United Community Baptist Church in Anamoose, ND as a solo pastor for the last 10 years.  During this time, my GAD has, for lack of a better term, “morphed” into Major Depressive Disorder.  I have taken a variety of medication for the affliction, including such drugs as Lithium, Pristiq, Efexxor and Celexa. 

What are some of the struggles that you have with enjoying Christmas?

One of the major struggles for me during Christmas has to deal with expectations during the season.  There’s an unwritten rule in our society which says: “You should be happy and joyful during Christmas.”  Everybody puts up Christmas lights.  Everybody buys things on sale at Wal-Mart to use as presents.  Everybody walks around saying “Merry Christmas!”  Again, everybody is “supposed” to be happy, but with clinical depression, it just doesn’t work that way. 

On a similar note, it hit me this morning (December 21, 2011) that I can’t seem to feel the right way at the right time during Christmas.  For example, in just a few hours, my family and I will be driving to a town four hours away to celebrate Christmas with my parents.  Since I love both of my parents dearly and get along with them very well, I should be happy about making the trip, right?  However, because of a brain chemical imbalance (i.e. depression), I don’t feel as joyful as I should feel.  (NOTE:  I understand full well that nobody can control their emotions in the strict sense, but I am referring here to the inability to be happy about what would normally make me happy if not for depression.)  

You are a pastor, and Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ – central to your faith.  How does that interact with your struggles with depression?

Since the birth of Christ is indeed central to the Christian faith, one would think that a Christian believer/Pastor such as myself should feel joy during this time of year.  However, as stated previously, my not being able to feel the right way at the right time gets in the way of my experiencing joy. 

Having said this, I of course feel extreme GUILT at Christmas for NOT experiencing joy like other Christians do.  In fact, I wonder sometimes if people think that I’m simply being ungrateful regarding the birth of Christ and how he came to save us from our sins.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  I KNOW the truth, but the joy that is “supposed” to accompany knowing that truth is often absent.  

Because of the nature of struggle, some Christmas seasons are worse than others.  Where are you this year?  Is there an explanation for that?

As previously stated, my family and I will be travelling to my mom and dad’s farm near Bowman, ND.  Usually, we have some relatives from Indiana who join us for Christmas, but t they will not be making the trip this year for family reasons.  So, this Christmas will be a little sadder for me.  (My belief is that people who struggle with clinical depression feel more deeply than others.  This means that I take disappointment harder than others do.) 

 What are some coping strategies that you use during the Christmas season in your personal life and in your family life to maintain a healthy outlook?

My greatest coping strategy has been to surround myself with loving and friendly people.  With that in mind, my church family has been absolutely wonderful to my family and me, and we enjoy their company very much.

A second coping strategy-and I hate to admit this-has been sleep.  Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed by “the black cloud”- a term I have coined which I think describes depression- I’m almost compelled to rest for awhile.  Now of course, this strategy wouldn’t be possible in most work situations, but my church people  have been gracious to me, and although none of them have said it out loud, I think they understand after 10 years that their pastor is not going to be 100 percent all of the time.   Most of my people have no idea what it’s like to have Major Depressive Disorder, but nonetheless, they seem to understand that I’m not just “making it up”.  This awareness on their part is helpful for me as well. 

 You commented in a Facebook thread that “even depressed people must make an effort to focus on the birth of Christ. He continues to hold on to us, even when we are unable to hold on to him on account of our mental and emotional afflictions.”  How have you experienced this in your life?

I have already said that I have been the pastor of church for 10 years here in Anamoose.   During that time, I have had VERY few times when I could honestly say that I wasn’t troubled with depression and/or anxiety, but God has brought me this far.  This is what I meant when I said “He continues to hold on to us, even when we’re unable to hold on to Him.”  I was trying to make the point that somehow, and in some way, God has brought me through 10 years of ministry and, I hope, has used me in some small way to make a real difference for his Kingdom. 

I would also like to add that last June, I admitted myself to the psychiatric hospital at St. Alexius Medical Center in Bismarck, ND to undergo a major medication change for a week.  While I wasn’t there a long time, it was one of those deals where I looked back at the experience and said: “God, I would never have made it through that experience without you.” 

 Any other thoughts that you would like to share with me?

I once posted on FaceBook that I would like to write a book that asks the question: “What does God do with genuine Christian believers with depression who experience very little, if any, real joy in their lives?”  Of course, the quick “answer” to that question is that happiness and joy are two different things.  The former is based on circumstances and feelings while the latter is based on a decision.  This sounds good on paper, but does it really reflect the kind of Christian life God wants us to live?  Can a person really live a true Christian life, be in a true relationship with God, and feel NO positive emotions whatsoever?  (Think about a wife who says of her husband: “Oh, I love him very, very much.  I just never have any positive, loving emotions towards him.”  In my mind, this just can’t be.) What’s more, if the part of my body (i.e. brain) which I use to decide to be happy is sick,  what am I to do? 

Although this post may bring up more questions that it does provide answers, our hope is that others who struggle - especially at Christmas - will feel a little less alone.  That feeling of isolation and a lack of understanding from those around us is probably the worst thing to experience.  I resonate quite well with some of the lyrics in "Falling" by the Civil Wars.

Tell me it's nothing
Try to convince me
That I'm not drowning
Oh let me tell you, I am

Please, please tell me you know

Although the intent of their lyrics are for a far different purpose (a woman breaking up with her man), I feel them deeply in my soul when I hear them because I just want others to see me as I am and not try to convince me otherwise.

One of the ways that I manage my "issues" is by being very honest with my huz and kids about what kind of day it is in Stacy's brain...if I am aware enough to know.  The other thing that has helped a whole lot is to give them the freedom to ask questions about what is going on.  Am I responding in that way because I am just having a "regular person" bad day, or is there something bigger that needs to be addressed and managed?

Danelle and I hope that readers find kinship or understanding in this post.  Please comment and share with us; we would love that!

Homeless for Christmas?

As I drove home from work the other day, I passed a few people standing on busy corners with signs saying "homeless" or "need food" or "out of work, please help."  Because of the route I drive, this sight is not new to me.  In fact, it happens so often that I could not even tell you if the same people are on the same corners each day as I pass them.  I am often oblivious, caught up in my own thoughts and ready to transition from work to home. But I had a strange thought the other day as I drove home and passed the sign-holders.

We sing about being home for Christmas...what happens when there is no home to go to?  Would the song change?  I'll be home[less] for Christmas...doesn't quite have the same ring to it, and I doubt that Bing Crosby would have sounded so good to the ear.  The words would have to change significantly...I don't think that homeless people would beg for snow, and they won't have a tree to put presents under.  I'm not trying to be absurd; these are really the thinks I think!

I live in Hennepin County which likely has the largest homeless population in Minnesota. In 2010, the Wilder Foundation estimated that nearly 10,000 people were homeless in Minnesota.  Nearly half of that number are children or youth.  If they are fortunate on any given night, they call a shelter home.  If they are not, home is the street.  That is a lot of people!  I googled (don't you love how that is an acceptable verb now?) the population of Jamestown, ND.  It is around 15,500 at best guess.  I went to college there, and that seems like a lot of people to be homeless.  It is.  That is what is so hard to fathom.  An entire ND town's population is a close estimate to the number of homeless people in MN.  That's crazy talk.  And this is the United States of America - the richest country in the world?

I often write of problems - my own and the problems of others.  At Christmas time and other holiday times, the problems that we think of have to do with the loss that we feel because of a loved one who is no longer with us or because things just haven't gone well for us this year with our job, with other family members, or in our personal lives.  But when faced with the problem of not having a home, that really gets down to the bare bones of things.

I have issues.  Sometimes when I say that, my husband responds, "You have a whole subscription."  And I get really focused on my issues.  I get bent out of shape.  I throw little 37 year old tantrums. Things are not the way I want them to be, the way I think they should be, or even the way I think I deserve them to be.  I want. I want. I want.  And I get so wrapped up in myself that I forget that the world does not revolve around me.  I forget that a world exists outside of my walls and my brain, and I get really wrapped up in that.

But I cannot look at my own life with any integrity and say that I have problems in the same way that I would if I did not have a home.  I cannot imagine what that would be like.  I am where I am because of a series of events, decisions, other people, and choices that those other people have made for me.  When we say things like that, we often follow that up with, "And I thank God for that."  I thought about this as I drove home the other day.  Would a homeless person thank God for shelter tonight night?  I am guessing that they would.  Should I see myself as more blessed than they are?  No way.  The fact that I have when they have not places responsibility on me to look outside of myself and their needs.

Christmas has historically been a time when we give presents.  In today's culture, for the most part, I think that we just give what we would give anyway - it doesn't really take the holiday.  That game that we wanted would have been bought regardless of Christmas.  For some of us, we are just exchanging wealth.  We thoughtlessly throw our wealth at loved ones who rarely appreciate it because it is not much of a sacrifice anyway.  And in the meantime, those with actual needs go without for another night.

This past Sunday, my huz preached a sermon about how we can do miracles.  He did this really cool thing where he had the kids of congregation sit on the steps up to the stage while he preached.  And he preached to them almost the entire time.  It was interactive, he asked them questions, and he let them answer.  He talked about how God meant for us to be the miracles.  Feed the hungry.  Heal the sick.  Give shelter to the homeless.

In sending His son to the earth as a baby, God sacrificed part of Himself.  I doubt that the Trinity considered our reaction to this sacrifice before they did it.  The miracle of Christmas leads to the salvation provided through the cross of Easter.  Our response should be that of sacrifice as well.  Instead of exchanging wealth with those who have no needs, perhaps we should consider being the miracle that God intends us to be and provide for those with great needs.

Who can we bless this Christmas?

Bringing Christmas and Easter Together

A friend posted a link to a song on YouTube yesterday that really got me thinking.  I reposted the link, and a different friend commented, "It's Christmas and Easter all wrapped up in one."

That really got me thinking too!

The link (just click on the word link, and you will be off in YouTube land).  And the lyrics (thanks to a Google search):

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe, after all we've projected,
A child in a manger?
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mother's shawl -
Just a child -
Is this who we've waited for? 'cause...

How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that is torn all apart
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn Savior
All that we have, whether costly or meek
Because we believe.
Gold for his honor, and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he will suffer
Do you believe?
Is this who we've waited for?

All for me...
All for you...

For many, this season is all about Christmas.  We decorate our houses, our yards, and our streets to reflect a celebration "fit for a king."  And we should!  This time is all about Christmas.  But it is also all about Easter.  You cannot separate the two as they point to each other.  When we celebrate the birth of Christ with joy, we also need to consider the sober reality that His whole life was an example for us and ultimately, as we remember on Easter, ended in death for us and then resurrection.

And what gifts are we bringing this king who has done this great thing for us?  Have we stopped to consider this at all in the crazy, busy, hectic, and chaotic season?

Nothing I have to give is worthy of what He has done for me.

And He does not want just anything...He wants everything - all of me.

Judging Gingerbread House Decorating Contest

Because the huz is a pastor and because our family is a bunch of fun nuts, a group of young adults asked us to be the surprise judges at their First Annual Gingerbread House Decorating Contest last night.  We arrived, dressed in black, just after 8 p.m. ready to be as witty as the judges on American Idol.   By the way, my daughter is kind of like Paula - she had to make every feel good...even the losing team.



The judges with Team 2's house - the losing house.



The judges with Team 1's house - the winning house.

These are some of the great things that we get to do because of my husband being a pastor.  While there are plenty of hard times as a pastor's family, for the most part we love our call as a family and love that we can minister to and minister with others.  We love our church family and the neighborhood in which we live. We are excited that a bunch of college students and early career kids got together on a Sunday night and enjoyed being together doing crazy things like make gingerbread houses and having the pastor's family show up as the surprise judges.

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I experienced a "crash" in my bipolar self this weekend. I am on the other side of that and slowly coming back to balance.  I did take a nap yesterday afternoon (missing a commitment, but some things do have to be sacrificed in the midst of these crashes) and dreamed up wonderful blog posts that I now cannot remember.

As we move into the last few days before Christmas, I am hopeful that balance will return for me.  I am also prayerful for those who experience similar struggles and know that this week is not always easy - especially if a loved one has died recently or if a change in family situation has occurred.

May we all remember that Hallelujah! is possible even when our hearts are broken.

 

When the Racing Mind Crashes...

The title of this blog comes from the fact that I struggle with bipolar illness. Even when medicated appropriately and balanced well, the natural rises and falls of this illness stay with me.  I have only been medicated for the past few years, but the diagnosis made a lot of sense - especially the manic times which I usually loved until they started to tip and go into a crash.  When mania hits me, my mind races.  I cannot catch the words fast enough to say them, and often they are not thoughts that one would share with others.  Having a blog allows me to focus and capture some of the thoughts long enough to write them down.

November and the first part of December was a pretty great manic time.  I took on some projects, had some great thinks, stayed up late with my family, and wrote some great blogs.  Unfortunately, all good mania must tip and end in a crash before balance returns.  I wish I could predict the crashes better because then I could take a sick day or three and choose not to say "yes" to projects that will occur right as the crash is happening.

The crash happened yesterday.  I could hardly get out of bed...not a great thing to have happen when we had brunch plans, the Christmas postcard to get out, a few Christmas presents to order, and a Christmas musical performance.  Did I mention that my daughter and I did the choreography the musical and needed to be in the front row doing the actions to assist the kids?  I made it through the brunch, but I was back in bed by mid-afternoon.  I made through the musical, and it was great.

Today is church, the Christmas dinner, a Christmas performance of a co-worker, and something else that isn't coming to mind but is on the calendar somewhere.  This is almost entirely an energy issue; I feel fine - just exhausted.  Balance will return soon enough, and the cycle begins again.  The timing is never perfect, but my family is wonderful and handles this all very well.

And I have no idea how to end this...

 

We Have Great Seats!

In yesterday's blog post, I alluded to an inside family joke about having great seats.  Well, we did have great seats the production of Les Miserables (view of the picture to the left is from our seats - they were GREAT!), but my family would have said that we had great seats whether or not it was true.  They now pretty much always say that we have great seats - wherever we go - thanks to their awesome sense of humor and their overwhelming need to give me a hard time about past events.

To set the stage to understand this, one must realize that our family's love language is mockery.  When my pastor huz and I do premarriage counseling with couples prior to the wedding (hence the "pre"), one of the modules that we cover is love languages.  Gary Chapman has a great book that details the love languages (click that link if you want to take the little quiz) that he has determined is the way that the majority of us receive love.  Although each of our family members has his or her own love language (acts of service, gifts, physical touch, etc.), we have determined that - in order to be a member of this family - we must be fluent in mockery (showing itself as sarcasm at times).

In addition to that piece of background knowledge, the other piece that one must know is that I have a great need to make sure that others are happy in almost all situations.  StrengthsFinder would call this harmony, but it shows itself in empathy - I can actually feel the way that others feel.  I am not always correct as to the WHY someone feels the way that I am feeling that they feel, and YES - this causes disasters at times, but that is not the point of this blog post!

The "great seats" event occurred this past summer.  The fam was in the car en route to a family reunion in Aberdeen, SD, where the huz's mom lives.  I am a huge fan of Cities97 (you can listen on iHeartRadio as well) and had heard that NeedtoBreathe, one of my son's favorite bands, would be playing live at a restaurant thanks to Oake on the Water - a radio show that broadcasts live from a venue literally "on the water."  The huz and I had decided not to tell the kids, change our route to Aberdeen, take the long way there via the venue, and make a stop to see NeedtoBreathe.  I was so excited to see my son's face when he found out what we were doing!

In true teenager fashion, my son - though pretty excited - showed very little enthusiasm.  This part of the teen affect is very difficult for me.  I need feedback on things!  If the boy is excited, he should look excited.  "It's cool," said in the teenage boy voice while he nods his head slightly in agreement is not the excitement that he used to show when he was little.  While the huz was in seminary, we lived within walking distance of the beach, and we visited the beach often.  The kids loved the beach, and they showed it.  When they would suddenly see the beach as we rounded the corner to it, they would would clap their hands, exclaim loudly, and cheer.  I loved that feedback!  I was making them happy!  That was not how it went when we stopped to see NeedtoBreathe.

Me: We are going to see NeedtoBreathe!  Isn't that awesome?

Son: Yeah.  It's cool.

Me: It's cool?  What about, "Wow - that is AWESOME!!!"

Son: Mom - it's cool.

Because it was a restaurant, we sat down at a table. They were great seats.  We had a clear view of the band, and we did not have to stand.  And I wanted everyone else to recognize that they were great seats too.  So I asked, "Aren't these great seats?"  My question was met with somewhat of a less than enthusiastic response.  It turns out that I was asking during a song being sung.  Oops!  So I waited and asked again.

Me: Aren't these great seats?

Son: Yes, mom.  They are great seats.  Can we please just listen?!?!?!

This has now become the way that my entire family mocks and affirms me.  I was so excited to see Les Miserables on Thursday afternoon, and they were all pretty content to mock and affirm me several times on the way to the production, at the production, and on the way home from the production.  We laugh about it, but I know deep down that they are expressing gratitude.  If they say, "Wow, mom, these are great seats," I know what they mean is, "Thanks so much for going to get these tickets and for caring about us."  Even if that is not what they mean, that is what I  am going to think they mean.

Amazing how being nice to them can become all about me, huh?

Broadway Comes to Me!

As a teenager, Broadway musicals fascinated me. My first love - back in 1989 - was The Phantom of the Opera.  What girl was not in love with either Raoul or the Phantom?  As I mentioned in a previous blog post when the latest Twilight movie came out, some girls are enticed by the darkness of "bad boys."  I personally had a great fascination with the darkness of the Phantom.  Unlike others, I actually read the book by Gaston Leroux.  Also unlike others, I took the fiction book at face value and decided that it was historical...that was what the forward said!

Because of my family situation growing up (see "Adoption - My Fairytale"), I spent time each summer in Rhode Island - only three hours from New York City.  Going to see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway in NYC was a huge dream.  And the dream came true!  For my sixteenth birthday, my parents gave me two tickets - one for me and one for my Auntie Toni (see comments of "What's in a Name?").  It was an absolute blast! We spent the whole day getting hot and sweaty in the humidity of NYC in July.  At the end of the day, we took in The Phantom.  I did not want the night to end.  It obviously did, and twenty-one years later I am still a fan!

The Phantom was like a gateway drug into the Broadway world.  That introduction led to Cats, The Secret Garden, Man of La Mancha, and Into the Woods.  And then came the mother of all musicals...the one that would surpass all others in depth and beauty...the one that would touch my heart and soul in a way that none other could - Les Miserables.  Since marrying my huz, we have seen the musical together at least three times.  It is truly that good.  The best, hands down, was still the time - while we were poor and he was in seminary - that we saw it in New York City.  Taking my farm boy to Broadway was a great treat!

Early this past summer, I heard a radio advertisement telling us that Les Miserables was coming to the Orpeum in Minneapolis - literally ten minutes from our house - right during the Christmas season!  Well, it was sort of a no-brainer to the huz and me that this would make an excellent Christmas present, and, once we determined from whom, tickets were purchased and the date on the calendar saved by all.  Yesterday was the day...we took in a matinee!  That rhymed.  :)  We kept the kids out of school, and the huz and I took vacation days from work - on a Thursday.  So fun!  We had great seats (that is an inside family joke that I will explain sometime in a different blog post because it is a great story), and we enjoyed every minute of the musical.

The musical condenses Victor Hugo's 513,000 word novel by the same name into three hours of intensity with only about eighteen minutes of comic relief.  Chuck Colson's explanation of the plot and themes is better than my attempt (literally the last twenty minutes) to summarize.  I am horrible at summarizing.

The moral complexity of this story of an “honest thief” does not blur the distinction between good and evil. Instead, it gives us a very rich picture of the struggle between good and evil.

The redemption of ex-convict Jean Valjean plays itself out against the story of “the redemption of a nation.” The moral, philosophical, and military upheavals that France had experienced over the years serve as a fitting backdrop to this story of the upheavals in one man’s heart and soul.

Just released from prison, Valjean robs a bishop, only to have the bishop forgive him and make him a present of the silver that he stole. We see how this kindness, forgiveness, and “unconditional love” help heal Valjean’s soul.

And we see Valjean become a kind and loving man who in turn helps transform others, even while having to elude recapture by the fanatical policeman Javert. He helps the prostitute Fantine, showing her compassion when no one else will, and later adopts her destitute little girl after her death.

Valjean eventually rises to heroic levels of love and sacrifice, able to show astonishing mercy to his enemies as well as those he loves—a mercy so great that Javert cannot comprehend it, and suffers a breakdown. It is through loving others that Valjean shows his love for God, and truly becomes transformed and fulfilled.

Three hours of great theology with some of the best music ever written is my idea of a great afternoon.  I wrote on my Facebook status that I would go again last night (remember, we had seen a matinee) if someone would have handed me tickets.  One of the best parts about living in Minneapolis is that Broadway comes to me.  What Colson doesn't mention in the little diddy above is that, in addition to the Valjean/Javert storyline, there is a fun love triangle, a minor attempt at revolution (the Student's Rebellion of Paris which preceded the French Revolution), and some scandalously entertaining scenes.

Although the cost of musicals might keep me from seeing this again and again as I would like to do, I can be thankful for the soundtrack.  Whenever I need a little refresher course in the story of redemption through Christ allowing God's grace, and mercy for everyone, all I need to do is hit repeat on my iPod and listen to the soundtrack of Les Miserables.



 

 

What Will It Take?

Having children was the second best thing that ever happened to me. The first was that my huz asked me to marry him.

*insert the awwwws here*

We were married between our junior and senior years in college.  We had thought we should wait until he had nearly finished graduate school before we had kids.  But that was not what God had planned.  Without any planning on our part, we had kids right away.  What I mean by that is, we were not planning on the kids.  We had done the "planning" that one should go through to hold off on having kids, but poor medical advice - twice - meant that we had two children before our 23rd birthdays.  Wow, huh?  It has actually been a huge blessing in our lives.  They are now nearly 15 and 16 years old, and we are blessed by them immensely.

My son is an intellectual, funny, and serious young man.  He is also full of passion.  Ever since he was small, he has sought to right injustice.  When someone was blamed for something that someone else did on the playground at school, he would argue with the teachers until he was nearly disciplined himself.  He has always stood up for the rights and needs of others.  While attending a missions conference at our church when he was quite young, he felt a call to go into missions "when he grew up."  He saw himself becoming a doctor on the mission field in Cameroon.  A few years later, he - along with my huz and my daughter - actually visited Cameroon.  It was a life changing experience for all of them.

Things have changed as he has grown up, but he remains passionate about the call to missions.  Last year, after spending a season on the debate team, he struggled with the idea of becoming a doctor when he found he was a very good debater.  We reminded him that God calls, and God uses the gifts, talents, and abilities that He gives us.  There are other ways to serve God...being a doctor in Cameroon is just one way.

As it happened, some young ladies in our church are very passionate about injustice in the world as well.  Their area of focus happens to be on human trafficking - educating the public about it as well as assisting to free those who are victims of trafficking.  Our church hosted a weekend of education ending in "Freedom Sunday."  It was a great event and brought in speakers from several agencies such as International Justice Mission and Love146,  who are working in these areas internationally.  Another organization, Breaking Free, works locally to help woman escape lives of being prostituted, and MATTOO (Men Against the Trafficking of Others) is an organization working to raise awareness and educate men about similar issues.

My son really got riled up about the information shared during that weekend.  He started considering if he could use his arguing skills in the area of law as a way to serve and support organizations that work against human trafficking.  He has a great idea - to start a group call TATTOO (Teens Against the Trafficking of Others).

His passion is contagious, and he is convincing.  He does his research, and he knows that this problem is not going to go away on its own.  If just one more person starts caring and sharing about the issue, maybe one less person will be trafficked.

Yesterday, my son's Facebook status that made me stop, consider, and have a little cry.

Jane is six years old. Jane's family is poor. Jane's family doesn't have enough money to make it through the day. Jane has to be sold. Jane is bought. Jane is put in a bedroom. Jane is tied naked to the bed. Jane is confused.  The door opens. A man walks in. The door closes. Jane is confused. An hour later, the man leaves. Jane is crying. Jane is confused.

Every day, Jane is visited by men; bad men. If Jane tries to run away, she is beaten or put in the Dark Room. Jane is twelve. Jane has been visited by over 5000 men. Jane has stopped trying to run away. Jane is confused. Jane doesn't know why the men hurt her. Jane doesn't know why she's treated this way. Jane is confused. Jane doesn't know why she should live anymore. Jane isn't alive anymore. Jane died when she was six.

Now Jane is just an empty shell.

But Jane can be saved. Jane doesn't have to be dead forever.

What will it take for us to see that there are millions of Jane's in the world, and each of them needs to be saved? What will it take?

What will it take?

Hate Christmas? What?

Yesterday afternoon, my daughter and the other Chamber Singers from Fridley High School performed at Catholic Elder Care, a nursing home in Northeast Minneapolis.  The group of twelve-ish students dressed in old English costumes and caroled in the halls of the nursing home as they meandered from dining room to dining room where they stopped to share Christmas with the residents.  It reminded me of my high school days back at Red River High School in the Madrigals as my daughter and her friends sang some of the same songs using only a pitch pipe to start them off.

The nursing home is one of the nicest I have ever visited.  One of my favorite church members spent her final months in a nursing home a few years back.  During that time, I would visit her on Tuesday evenings when my huz had church board meetings. I would feed my children, get them started on their homework or some activity, and then I would go to visit my friend.  If she was still in her wheelchair, we would roam the halls and pretend that we were about to break out of the nursing home.  She desperately wanted to return to her house near the church.  The nurses would know what we were up to and sort of play along with us.

While some nursing homes have a reputation for being pretty poor, the place we visited yesterday seemed like a decent place.  It has several dining rooms connected by hallways with glass for the walls. There is an atrium in the center of the structure with a high glass ceiling; the back wall is lined with books.  And now at Christmas time, decorations adorn almost any table or corner.  As I walked through the halls, I wanted to sit down and take it all in.  So I did.  At first I was surprised at all of the care taken to decorate, but I realized that this home truly wants its residents to feel at home even though they are in an environment so different from the homes to which they long to return.

Because of how beautifully decorated the nursing home was, I was shocked to hear two of the workers converse about their distaste for Christmas.

I hate Christmas. I have ever since my husband I and were over.  I decorate my house for everyone else. But I hate it. All the fuss. And no one appreciates it anymore. I don't even know why I bother. I cook. They don't say thank you. I bought a tinsel tree. It looks awful but why bother with a real one; no one cares. I don't care. I hate Christmas.

Really?  Wow.  This completely caught me off guard.

Imagine the irony of my situation.  As I listened to this woman spill her anger and bitterness to a coworker, I sat in a beautifully decorated room - a testimony to the beauty of Christmas.

Did I hear her wrong?

Who hates Christmas?

 

As I listened to her tone, I realized that what she said and what she meant were very different things.  She claimed not to care about Christmas, but her tone said that she cared a great deal.  At some point, that caring somehow was hurt.  Who knows what happened, but something obviously happened to push her to such bitterness. She cares. She cares a lot. Something happened to change her feelings from positive to negative.

Something awful and traumatic...

Hurtful words said....

A forgotten gift....

A trust betrayed....

How do we share Christ with someone filled with such venom about the holiday which celebrates His very birth?  How can we get past the pain, bitterness, and hurt to the soft spot that needs the touch of Christ desperately to save her from the feelings of pain that are destroying her from the inside out?  How do we get past our own pain over Christmas when we feel an overwhelming sense of loss, guilt, or betrayal?

I do not know for sure....

But I do know one thing...the focus of our time, our energy, our passion, our joy, and - yes - even our pain must be Christ.  One of the nativities that I found in one of the quiet corners of the nursing home showed this so perfectly.  All of the faces of the people surrounding the manger turned toward Christ.  The focus of their full attention was on Christ.



When we look at our Savior rather than ourselves, we see the fullness of Christmas.

And there is no room for pain, sorrow, or hate.

Elizabeth: Once a Barren Woman...

Every second Sunday evening our church has a contemporary worship experience that we call Jacob's Well.  Named for the story of Jesus meeting a woman at Jacob's Well and telling her of her own sordid past, the time of worship intends to extend the same grace that Jesus did to the woman.  The majority of the evening is spent in song; however, Scripture, video, sharing, and theatrical pieces often add to the experience.

At the December edition of Jacob's Well, a member of our church presented a narrative from the perspective of Elizabeth, the older cousin to Mary the mother of Jesus, who was John's mother.   According to Biblical accounts, Mary spends some of her pregnancy with Elizabeth whose son would later not only prophesy about the Messiah's coming but also baptize Jesus and hear God's voice proclaiming Jesus as His son.  What follows in the script that details the monologue of Elizabeth.  Full version can be found at the Back to the Bible website.

Barren….If there’s one word a woman in Israel doesn’t like to hear, it’s barren.  Oh, you can’t imagine how sad that is unless you share a belief that the blessing and power
of God are made known through a couple’s children.  And their children’s children.

It was equally hard on my husband, Zacharias.  When a man in Israel has no children, how can he testify to the faithfulness of God to all generations?  Especially when so many had begun to question if God would ever speak to us again.  400 years since we had supposedly last heard from Him. Could it be that God had never been for us after all?  What about the promised Messiah?  Would he ever come?  Could it be that God was a mere myth?

My husband is a good man – a priest descended from the family of Abijah. My family also were priests from Aaron. In our house we have always been careful to do all that God’s Word commands.  Hadn’t I done all that God had asked of me?!  And yet, I was barren.  If children are a blessing then barrenness must be a curse.  What was wrong with me?  The questions never went away even as I became an old woman.

One day when Zacharias was offering incense in the Holy Place the angel Gabriel appeared to him.  He told him my barrenness would soon end and we would have a son – John.  He would come in the spirit and power of the great prophet, Elijah, and be used to turn many of our people back to God.  I know, I know – every mother says her son is special. But not every mother gets her news from Gabriel!  And so, I devoted those long quiet days to God.

Then, in the 6^th month of my pregnancy, my young relative, Mary arrived from Nazareth with news that she was pregnant!  For half a moment I imagined the worst.  But then my John gave me such a kick that the realization broke on me in  a wave of bright wonder.  Mary’s baby was the Messiah!!  “Oh, Mary!” I cried. “How blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb!”  Mary already knew about our baby, but I told her everything again and she told us of Gabriel’s visit to her.   What a gift that she would bring God’s greatest blessing into the world!  I was carrying the forerunner.  And Mary was carrying Savior!

What a contrast Elizabeth and Mary would have been at a family dinner!  One had been barren for years and now with child while the other was  much younger and not even married yet.  I am pretty sure that knowing glances, low whispers, and a lot of discomfort would have reigned around that dinner table.  But they had each other, and they each had been blessed beyond our ability to imagine.

I had a lot of thoughts and questions as I listened to my friend share this narrative. Does our society treat "barren" women in the same way?  What a word - barren. Is the same stigma appropriated to couples who struggle with having children now that was then?  I can only imagine that it must feel the same way now that it did then.  The words - "If children are a blessing then barrenness must be a curse.  What was wrong with me?" -  are those not the same words that men and women who desperately want a child whisper to themselves?  Elizabeth had to wonder.  Modern medicine gives us answers. When we ask the same questions now, "What is wrong with me? Why isn't this working? My sister has a baby..." there is often a medical answer which is often followed by many medical treatments, hopeful months, and times of loss and fear.  Or perhaps it is followed by joy.  There doesn't seem to be a definitive answer even though we are 2,000 years and many medical advances later.

Other thoughts - I wondered if Elizabeth would have been able to greet Mary in the same way if she had not become pregnant with John prior to Mary's arrival.  Did she need her own miracle in order to celebrate Mary's miracle?  Or was she amazing?  Could she have celebrated with her younger cousin and accepted her situation for the miracle that it was regardless of her own feelings and circumstance?  These are questions that I likely will not have answers for until heaven, and by then - I probably will not care anymore.  And it probably does not matter.

As I listened to my friend share this perspective, I did wonder how we can be more sensitive to couples who want a child but are unable to conceive.  And how can we help to carry their load of pain and anguish?  And how can we, as a society that still puts a lot of weight into having "your own" children, change our language and our ways of thinking to be more sensitive in this area?

Thoughts?

When the Bells Stopped Ringing...

The Christmas season means many things to many different people.  One of the background sounds and sights during the season is the Salvation Army bell ringing campaign.  Over the weekend I visited two Cub grocery stores in two very different parts of the Twin Cities area - on in a more affluent town than the other.  But one thing was the same: neither store had someone ringing a bell.  It really shocked me to see this twice in one weekend.  It seems to me that I noticed the silence more than I would have noticed the ringing.  At the first store, I remember thinking that I should grab some change out of the cubby in my car so that I would have something to put in the kettle.  When I stood up outside of my car, the silence told me that it might not matter.  It was not until I came closer to the store that I saw the kettle without its ringer.

Where have all the bell ringers gone?

I have heard of people donating their lunch break times - skipping the lunch itself - to ring bells.  One of our children's Sunday School teachers always had the kids ring bells for a Saturday morning shift.  Even when she no longer taught the class, she would round up some kids that she knew and take them to ring bells.  It was not until we moved to the Twin Cities that I even knew that people could volunteer their time to do this.  I think there must be something wrong with me...how could I not have figured that out?  Where did I think that the bell ringers came from?

I did a little research on the history and decided simply to cut and paste a huge box of information from the Salvation Army website:

In 1891, Salvation Army Captain Joseph McFee was distraught because so many poor individuals in San Francisco were going hungry. During the holiday season, he resolved to provide a free Christmas dinner for the destitute and poverty-stricken. He only had one major hurdle to overcome -- funding the project.

Where would the money come from, he wondered. He lay awake nights, worrying, thinking, praying about how he could find the funds to fulfill his commitment of feeding 1,000 of the city's poorest individuals on Christmas Day. As he pondered the issue, his thoughts drifted back to his sailor days in Liverpool, England. He remembered how at Stage Landing, where the boats came in, there was a large, iron kettle called "Simpson's Pot" into which passers-by tossed a coin or two to help the poor.

The next day Captain McFee placed a similar pot at the Oakland Ferry Landing at the foot of Market Street. Beside the pot, he placed a sign that read, "Keep the Pot Boiling." He soon had the money to see that the needy people were properly fed at Christmas.

Six years later, the kettle idea spread from the west coast to the Boston area. That year, the combined effort nationwide resulted in 150,000 Christmas dinners for the needy. In 1901, kettle contributions in New York City provided funds for the first mammoth sit-down dinner in Madison Square Garden, a custom that continued for many years. Today in the U.S., The Salvation Army assists more than four-and-a-half million people during the Thanksgiving and Christmas time periods.

Captain McFee's kettle idea launched a tradition that has spread not only throughout the United States, but all across the world. Kettles are now used in such distant lands as Korea, Japan, Chile and many European countries. Everywhere, public contributions to Salvation Army kettles enable the organization to continue its year-round efforts at helping those who would otherwise be forgotten.

I did learn in my research that there is now an online drive - the Online Red Kettle Campaign.  I think that is very cool, but it is not quite the same.  Is it?

Something that must be concern started to stir inside of me when both of the grocery stores had no bell ringers to watch over the kettles.  One - in a less affluent part of town - did not even have its kettle out.  The need is great right now.  More people seem to be without while those who have seem to be having less...and less to share with anyone else.  One shift ringing bells could make a different in someone's life.

Who will watch the kettles?

Where are the bell ringers?

And why am I not ringing the bells right now?

To Ancient Times and Distant Music

My son loves a game called Quelf.  It is a crazy game that has no true strategic advantage for those who are brainiacs, great at drawing, or anything.  While it has those aspects to it, the game also has these weird things thrown in called Roolz which, according to the instructions, are "‘rules’ that you must follow as long as the card is in play, or else pay that card's penalty.   The effect of that card doesn't just last for your turn - it may last for the remainder of the game!"  As I was noodling around with how to write this post, one of the Roolz from Quelf came to mind. One of the Rooz that I have drawn in the past required me to say "to ancient times and distant music" every time I took a drink of something.  Then every had to clink glasses with me.  If I forgot and someone called me out, I had to move back a space.

This is the last actual post that I will write on this site, and it feels like I should say a toast of some kind to this blog and to those who have come along side me as readers.

Today is a great day. I am launching a new blog site here on areavoices.com. This is a big day for me because I have toiled through some technical difficulties in order to get the new site (slowingtheracingmind.areavoices.com) up and running.  The site maintains the name because I feel it really describes the why behind my blogging.  The racing mind is what brought me to blogging, and though I now love the blogging "art" itself, the continued practice of it has helped slow the racing mind, bring clarity to my thoughts, and engaged me in ways with others that I probably could not do in person as well.  I am a thinker; my thoughts are not clear in the moment always.  Writing seems to help that.

Nearly a year ago, a dear friend on Facebook started writing a blog each day as part of the Wordpress movement to encourage more writing. I watched as my friend grew as a writer and decided on August 1, 2011, to join her. I made a Fresh Start, and it felt good. My children had spent the summer working at Village Creek Bible Camp in Lansing, Iowa, and I had started to sense that it was time to start thinking past their high school graduation. My huz had asked me over the summer, "What will we do to fill our time when the kids graduate and are gone?" I want to write. And the best way to write "someday" is to start writing today. I chose Wordpress because it had the Blog a Day graphic. I merged my Blogger site with my Wordpress site because I like to preserve history.

Today I experience a fresh start again. A friend who has followed this blog saw an advertisement in the Fargo Forum for bloggers who write about topics that women find interesting. I figured that a good majority of people who follow my old blog were women, so I emailed the person whose email was provided and inquired. That person suggested that I start blogging through their site - Areavoices.com.  It widens the readership a bit, and I thought it would be a great opportunity.

I am humbled that you have chosen to read what I write. I am thrilled when my ramblings can help someone else see things anew or feel like they are not alone in the world with their thoughts.  I hope that you will continue to read as I make the move over to the new site.  My plan is to post the link from that site on this site for a while.  I am trying to figure out how (if) to allow for email subscriptions as I know some readers have signed up for that.  Here is the link to today's post: http://wp.me/p-a.

Thanks for reading!

To Ancient Times and Distant Music!

Where do I begin?

Today is a great day.  I am launching a new blog site here on areavoices.com.  This is a big day for me because I have toiled through some technical difficulties in order to get this site up and running. I have been blogging since June 2008 when I started with a Blogger post; click here to read my introductory post.  I had no idea what I was doing, did not use tags or categories, and mostly did it for my own well-being.

Nearly a year ago, a dear friend on Facebook started writing a blog each day as part of the Wordpress movement to encourage more writing.  I watched as my friend grew as a writer and decided on August 1, 2011, to join her.  I made a Fresh Start, and it felt good.  My children had spent the summer working at Village Creek Bible Camp in Lansing, Iowa, and I had started to sense that it was time to start thinking past their high school graduation.  My huz had asked me over the summer, "What will we do to fill our time when the kids graduate and are gone?"  I want to write.  And the best way to write "someday" is to start writing today.  I chose Wordpress because it had the Blog a Day graphic.  I merged my Blogger site with my Wordpress site because I like to preserve history.

Today I experience a fresh start again.  A friend who follows my Wordpress blog (which, by the way, has the same title as this one - I like the title too much to lose it!) had seen an advertisement in the Fargo Forum for bloggers who write about topics that women find interesting.  I figured that a good majority of people who follow my old blog were women, so I emailed the person whose email was provided and inquired.  That person suggested that I start blogging here.

So here I am! 

I have provided a link in the sidebar back to my original Wordpress site in case other people are like me and like to read old blog posts from people that I stumble upon in my blog reading life.  I am not a blogger who can be put into a specific category every day.  I write about whatever is on my mind when I sit down to the computer.  I see things as I am driving, as I am thinking, as I interact with others, and as I read the news or articles online.  I try to stay on top of current events, movie releases, and great music.  I stop in the middle of rush hour traffice to take a picture of a billboard that has started me thinking about a great blog post.  I love to interact with the world around me and provide my own perspective on it.

Sometimes I write blog posts about the crazy (sometimes horrible) thoughts that swirl around my mind.  Sometimes I refer to my former blogs because I change my mind from time to time about what I wrote before.  Rather than deleting prior posts, I just refer to them and write about how I have changed my mind or have thought more about the topic.

I am humbled that other people choose to read what I write.  I am thrilled when my ramblings can help someone else see things anew or feel like they are not alone in the world with their thoughts.  I enjoy comments; I have yet to delete any comments ... maybe I need to write more controversial posts.  More than anything, though, I am excited to launch this new site with areavoices.com!

Thanks for reading!

Hello world!

Welcome to Areavoices.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!

Needs some help or some ideas? Check out the FAQ.

If you have any other technical questions, Lindsey can help. Tracy is always around if you'd like to be featured on a newspaper website or would like some blogging tips.

Happy blogging!

- the team @ areavoices.com

A Mixed Dining Experience: The Duplex

The huz and I have become frequent visitors to the Kitchen Window of late due to his recent obsession with knives.  I realize that some wives would be disturbed by this, but I am grateful because his use of knives leads to delicious food!  As we have driven to the Calhoun Square location in the Uptown neighborhood of Minneapolis, we have passed several restaurants that appeal to us.  The Duplex is one of these restaurants, and last night - thanks to a CrowdCut - we finally tried it out.  CrowdCut is one of the many money saving websites for food and fun that have become the marketing campaign for many a small business.  Others include Groupon and LivingSocial.

The restaurant gets its name from the structure in which it resides.  For most of its history, the building was an actual up-and-down duplex housing two families.  Neither home would have been extravagant as the floor plan is modest and would support two bedrooms at the most.   The second floor has been converted entirely to customer seating while about half of the main floor is seating and the rest the small kitchen and bar area.  Artwork by local artists adorns the walls, and lighting is provided by a variety of hanging lights from various time periods.  We were seated next to the bar; I would ask in making reservations in the future for a different location.  Although it was entertaining to observe the happenings there as people who did not know each other at all ended up having a "great" time together, that is just not my cup of tea.  I was about to write that I am too old for this, but I do not think that was ever my idea of a great time.

Our deal included a starter, two entrees, and two drinks.  The menu is eclectic and seems to change often.  I gather this because the menus themselves could have been printed that morning.  In addition to the printed menu, specials change daily.

We started with poutine which (as the menu stated) is house cut fries topped with eichtin acres raw milk white cheddar cheese curds and brown gravy.  Our server enthusiastically complimented us on our choice and said, "All those people in Quebec can't be wrong."  I guess the dish originates in Canada.  And they are not wrong at all.  If the Canadians make poutine as well as the chef at The Duplex, I am up for a trip to Quebec!  The portion size was amazing for the list price of $7.59.  As a starter, poutine could easily support a sharing with four people.  The ratio of fries to cheese to gravy was perfect, and the tastes blend in a way that I could not have imagined.  In fact, we had originally asked for the gravy on the side, but we decided to go with it "as recommended."  In case you are wondering, there were a few great crispy fries (my favorites).  My only critique of this dish: there were some fries that had clearly been in the frier for the previous ordered.  Not a huge problem but somewhat surprising.

Although the special with ham and risotto enticed my husband, he chose the Dirty Rice and Shrimp instead.  The homemade sausage allured him along with a list of many of his favorite ingredients: jasmine rice with house made sausage, sweet corn, diced tomato, green onion and cumin.  Although the meal had great promise, it did not live up to his expectations as it was simply bland - lacking something that neither of us could put our finger on.  The sausage was good enough but not anything that we would consider "signature" in the sense that one would expect when "homemade" is in the description.  I was initially enticed by the buffalo chicken sandwich but went out on a limb and ordered the spaghetti amatriciana: bacon sauteed in onions, red pepper flake, garlic, and tomatoes tossed in homemade spaghetti and topped with parmesan.  I had made the mistake of not asking if the tomatoes were made into a sauce; I had envisioned it being more of a noodle dish with the diced tomato rather than a sauce covering it all.  This make a difference to me, so at first glance I was already unsure of the dish.  The noodles were well made and lived up to the "homemade" label.  It just was not what I had expected, and I could not get over that.  We ended up switching our meals, and neither of us took our leftovers home.

About half way through our meal, a man seated alone near us ordered dessert.  We decided that we should try that as well even though it was not part of our deal.  We had asked if we could substitute one dessert for the two drinks because the drink part of the deal allowed for $7.50 of drink for each of us.  We were told that the deal was specific.  We ordered a coffee and a hot cider to go with our dessert.

To say that our meal ended well would be putting it mildly.  We ordered an apple turnover with whipped cream and caramel sauce.  I think we would call ahead for this and visit The Duplex for the fries and this dessert only.  The crust was unlike any we had ever eaten.  Light, flaky, and full of taste that complimented the apple perfectly - I could eat this crust by itself and be satisfied.  The whipped cream and caramel sauce...oh yeah - and the apples... simply added to the goodness of the overall dessert experience.  We found out that the desserts, along with most of the dishes, are made entirely from scratch at the time of the order due to the small kitchen.  There is little storage space, and when the ingredients for a meal or dessert are gone, they are just gone.

To say that our favorite part of the meal was dessert would be an understatement.

Overall, this night out was fabulous.  In addition to the excellent starter and even better dessert, the candlelight atmosphere was fun and I had the best company - the huz.  While I would want to be sure that our seats were not next to the bar in the future, I could see myself going back to this restaurant.  The servers are great, though busy at times, and make you feel like you are their only table when they are talking to you.  The fact that it is a local business creating their own dishes and making excellent desserts makes The Duplex a restaurant that I would like to see stay open for years to come.