Facebook - Reconnecting with Old Friends

Today is New Year's Eve. Tomorrow is 2009.

I graduated from high school almost 17 years ago and went into the world forgetting about some of the most important things in life - my elementary school friends.

Where would I be today without Cheryl Laventure? She invited me to her church and then her church camp - where I met Jesus in 1985. She is just one of the many elementary school friends who became part of the peripheral vision I acquired starting in 7th grade and have kept until recently.

I joined Facebook quite a while ago with the intention of staying up to date on the lives of the many people in our lives. It's not always easy as a pastor's wife, but I try. I had no idea that Facebook would bring people back into my life from years and years ago.

So - my question is this: Why do we lose touch with our elementary friends?

It's like something strange happened. Those people that we did Girl Scouts with should have been the people that we hugged at our high school graduation. Some of them were; I think - but honestly, I don't remember graduation, and I wasn't consuming alcohol. Something happened on the first day of junior high - and things changed. Then another round of change occurred on the first day of senior high. I can't describe it; I don't remember it; I don't want to re-live it.

Now that I'm an adult, people become more and more important to me. And I don't really know what happened to us all in the meantime - while we were becoming adults. A course of decisions to be made were presented to each of us, and we decided.

Thanks to Facebook, we can now find each other again. Perhaps an adult Girl Scout troop will be formed? I'm not saying that the friends I have now are not important. In fact, please do not hear that. The choices that I've made (and the paths that God has guided, redirected, etc) have brought me to a place with great friends. What I am saying is that I don't understand how things go amiss...but I am thankful for a social networking tool that allows for re-connection to occur.

It's amazing what my husband and I do in bed...

The title is honestly just to get people's eyebrows to go up. There are just so many people whose reactions will be amusing.

I'm pausing here to enjoy the thought of a certain friend who will probably not read past this line. :)

Anyway - tonight we actually talked grammar. At one point, I was laughing so hard imagining us as a Saturday Night Live sketch - Bedtime with the Benders - that taught grammar to the masses of people whose brains are turning to mush (ever see Wall-E???). It even had theme music...at least in my brain. The pastor and wanna-be English teacher are at it again... *wink, wink*

Neither of us can think of the content of the phrase or sentence that brought on the conversation; however, our main grammar struggle tonight has to do with the construct of using "like" in comparison and whether you use the objective or nominative form of pronouns when doing so.

For example - which of the following is correct?

I can run like he.

OR

I can run like him.

We decided the first because "like" is actually a subordinate conjunction with an understood verb at the end of the sentence (I can run like he can run). Fascinating, I'm sure!

We covered a lot of ground in our first episode of "Bedtime with the Benders" (cue music). Stay tuned for more riveting episodes. Next week: The Benders explore the proper uses of apostrophes and clear up the whole "its" vs. "it's" problem.

"So - women don't want their size to be a double digit?"

My son is a smart cookie. Anyone who knows him well has heard his wit. He is also very insightful. Recently, Beth and I were having a conversation with Amy (Spears) about clothing sizes. Siah overheard this and interjected with the title phrase, "So - women don't want their size to be a double digit? Why?"

That's my question. Why?

Clean Bedroom

Why does a clean bedroom make me feel like all is right in the world?

Today I awoke, did some laundry, and thought about the day. I heard Kerry "rummaging" around in the bedroom, so I decided to check in on him. It turned out that he was cleaning the bedroom. People who know us know that we lead a rather fast-paced life, and we often leave clothes lying on the floor in the hurry to the next need. This eventually turns to piles which, of course, turns into a major mess. The major mess had started to get to the point that it was impossible to walk in the already small room. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind small bedrooms. When the bed is the most important of the room and functional, all is well. However, when we start falling down in the middle of the night on the way to bathroom, that is a problem.

So - a messy bedroom had brought on the quarterly (or so) need to clean it out, dust, vacuum, etc. I joined Kerry in this endeavor, and we achieved a wonderfully clean room within a few hours. Just for good measure (since tomorrow is the first day of winter), we changed our quilt from the fall quilt (with autumn type leaves) to the winter quilt (with snowmen, gingerbread cookies, and snowflakes - sleeping under a manger graphic could be weird).

The point is this - I am so happy. I peeked in the room as I went from the living room to the bathroom a few minutes ago, and my heart skipped a beat. Isn't that weird? Or is it just a sign that part of our soul truly resonates with the part of God that prefers order to chaos? Isn't that what the stories of creation and salvation are all about? Creation = God bringing order to the chaos on a cosmic level. Salvation = God bringing order (reinstating relationship with Him) to the chaos that sin had wrought upon humanity.

Things That Really Matter

1. My relationship with God.
2. My husband.
3. My children.
4. My parents...alive and those in heaven...biological and by choice...
5. My grandmothers...three still blessing us with their presence on earth...
6. My extended family...too many to name...seriously - try having 11 aunts/uncles, their spouses, their children....I'm blessed!

Friends...can't list them all....

"Things" that really matter are not things at all. They are people...living (at one time or presently) and giving. I have lived in too many houses to get attached (though I do like the one I have now...but even that belongs to God - seriously). Cars break. Things clutter up the house. But people...people are what really matter.

This Christmas (yes, it's 10 days away), I want to focus more on the things that really matter and less on the things made of matter. Because what will matter most in the end is that people were central to me.

Beth's first impressionistic painting

I'm so proud of Beth. This is her first impressionistic painting. She took a picture of it at school, but she needs to sign it before she makes prints of it.

I told her that she could make photo greeting cards and give them away for Christmas gifts.

She is talented - if this is 7th grade....what could be next??

:)

Breaking Dawn (4th in Twilight series)

Ok, I have to admit that I was "forced" to finish Breaking Dawn. Yes, it sucked me in. :) No pun intended, really. It's just too easy with vampire books, isn't it?

Sorry - onto my thoughts - again...the rules are as follows:
1) No comments in judgement unless you have read the book.
2) I may spoil your read if you continue to read this entry.

If you noticed my last posting, you know that I almost didn't finish this book because it had crossed a line. That line was the creation of a "half human/half vampire" child. Bella and Edward get married and consumate their marriage before she is tranformed into a vampire. She has an accelerated pregnancy (any recently pregnant woman would be jealous of this part) before having a very traumatic birthing experience (not something of which to be jealous). This is where I stopped for a few days. I'm not really sure what bothered me so much. Mythological stories of gods and goddesses creating half-immortals have never concerned me. Why should a modern day "myth" bother me so much? Especially when the author has Bella and Edward wait ot have sex until after they are married? (The book describes Edward as old fashioned - this does bother me. Oh well.) I'm still sifting through the reason behind my discomfort.

The child (girl) is amazingly beautiful, grows at a rapid speed (aging much faster than a typical newborn), and essentially causes a war between Bella's vampire family and friends and the ruling authorities (dun, dun, dun....). I hate summarizing, so I'm going to stop.

Thought #1 about this series: These vampires are "vegetarians" - they don't want to kill humans in their need for blood. They deny themselves of their desires and turn instead to animals when they are thirsty. This correlates very well into a parallel of the sin nature that we all struggle with. Once we have chosen to follow Christ, we need to deny ourselves certain things and turn to alternatives. Positive think here.

Thought #2 about this series: Though very, very sensual in nature, this series does do an outstanding job of presenting a pure until marriage and mating for life theory. That gets a thumbs up from me.

Thought #3 about this series: As you may have read in other posts, I find many facets of the relationships between men and women disturbing. I stand by those thoughts but see them diminishing as Bella and Edward get married. I don't think I would want my daughter or son to treat me the way that Bella does in her marriage, though.

Thought #4: I'm glad I read this entire series, but I'm not I would recommend them to others. They are time-consuming, consuming (can't put them down), and disturbing at times. I have to reserve my recommendation for now.

Twilight series

I finished Eclipse (the third book in the Twilight series), and I'm halfway through Breaking Dawn. Honestly, I'm out of words...the books go down a road that I didn't expect. I'm not even sure that I'm going to be able to finish Breaking Dawn. This makes me so sad.

Psychosomatic Illnesses - are STILL illnesses!!!!

I had the most frustrating encounter with a throat specialist today. He all but told my daughter that she was faking the fact that she cannot speak. After over 2 weeks without a voice, blood tests, and now today a scope down her throat, Beth's diagnosis was "poor vocal functionality." In other words, use your voice, girlfriend. After he ruled out any medical basis for her voice being gone, he questioned her about stress in her home, school, life, etc. Beth shrugged her shoulders and looked at me like, "huh?"

I am speechless (maybe it's catchy!!!).

Update: Beth's voice has returned. We talked through how things get used to being used incorrectly (like when we twist our ankle and baby it too long). She had a choice - figure it out or go to a specialist who would put another scope down her throat. I'm proud to say - she figured it out.

The Bad Waitress

When I find something great, I must share it.

Tonight, the Muddy Waters coffee shop disappeared off of the corner of Lyndale and W 24th in Minneapolis. I don't know where it went, but four times around the block did not reveal it. So - a change in plans led me to The Bad Waitress on the corner of Nicollett and E 26th. First of all, Nicollette Ave is one of the coolest streets in Minneapolis around Christmas time (yes, less than one week after Thanksgiving is officially Christmas-time...well, Sunday was the first week of Advent, so it must be true!). The lights are absolutely beautiful...simple, but beautiful. And the corner of Nicollett and E 26th is one of those cool corners - it could be in a movie.

Enter: The Bad Waitress...a coffee shop but so much more! This cafe serves breakfast all day, has Coke (a must...if you know me), and serves the biggest Rice Krispie bars ever. When you walk in, you will find booths to your right and a variety of high top tables and lower ones to your right. However, if you venture far enough to the right (as my friend and I did), you will find an old brown couch and two sitting chairs. Each of the tables has a superhero or monster graphic on a card to identify it to the "bad waitresses." To order, you must complete an order slip with food and drink (if desired, obviously), noting your table's superhero or monster, and then go to the register to order and pay. Once food and drink are ready, your bad waitress will find your location based on the locator symbol (superhero or monster).

This cafe has a very non-intrusive way about it. No one bothers you over and over with "are you ready to order?" and the like. When you are ready, you take care of it. In addition, the bad waitresses don't check in over and over to be sure that all is well. I am pretty sure if something were amiss, the good customers could approach the register as they did when they ordered and share the problem. I didn't eat any of their real food, so I can't say if I would recommend it to others. However, as far as Rice Krispie bars and a glass of Coke go, I give this cafe a thumb's up.

As usual, my companion was more fun than the cafe itself; however, the cafe was a delightful find to which I hope to return again in the future.

Funny thing - as I drove home, the Muddy Waters coffee shop showed itself. I did laugh out loud as I passed it!

Marriage - until death do us part?

In this time of high divorce rates, I am exceedingly aware that long marriages are rare. That being said, over Thanksgiving I observed once again the long-standing and enduring love of my mother-in-law (Sadie) even in the face of my father-in-law's (Clarence) alzheimer state.

I'm not even sure that words can adequately describe what I've experienced in observing my mother-in-law. She is a strong woman, one who rarely shows much emotion, and one who adores her grandchildren. When they married well over 50 years ago, divorce wasn't though of as much of a reality. "Until death do us part" meant exactly that. And Sadie has taken that to heart.

Most people in Clarence's state are in nursing homes. The day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute care that he requires would overwhelm most people I know. "Until death do us part" for Sadie has meant that Clarence remains at home. It means that she has learned the rhythms of his day, the signals of needing to eat, drink, or use the bathroom. It means that she has purchased a hospital bed and a lift chair. It means that she doesn't leave the house without much thought and preparation. It's like having an oversized very young child to consider with each outing.

"Until death do us part" means that Sadie has shown love to Clarence in ways that most of us would see as over the top or martyr like. It's neither. She loves her husband. She cares for him. She takes seriously her vow to love and cherish him until deal parts them. A little more love like this in the world might bring the divorce rate down.

Can you imagine knowing that this was her fate? When she said those vows over 50 years ago, do you think she imagined what it would mean for her to follow through with those vows? Can you imagine going into marriage knowing that you would need to set aside your entire life for years on end to care for someone who can't remember who you are???? If you knew that, do you think that you would go through with it in the beginning?

We know that all marriage requires self-less sacrifice - at least those of us who have been married for any amount of time know that. It takes self-less sacrifice to care for an ailing spouse, and there are other extremes like that.

• We may be called to put one career on hold while the other spouse pursues his or her career.
• We may be called to care for children.
• We may be called to endure the faithlessness of a spouse.
• We may be called to endure a long-term illness of a spouse.
• We may be called to endure a drug-addiction of a spouse.
• We may be called to endure a mental illness of a spouse.

And these are the big things. Think about all of the little self-less things that we are called to do in marriage.

• Sharing a bed with another person.
• Sharing a bathroom with another person.
• Having to consider another before making a decision.
• Budgeting.
• Setting family priorities and goal.
• Surrending selfish pursuits.

They all start out small, but they are still self-serving items. In order to stay married, we must die to self and serve the interests of the other. Marriage works when both do this. And we are not called to start serving once we are served. No - we must start serving and know that it is this self-less sacrifice that truly is marriage.

Until death do us part.

Thanksgiving

What are you thankful for? Pastor Kerry (yes, my beloved husband) asked tonight at church. What has God done for you or is He doing in your life for which you can be thankful.

I didn't share - there were enough others who did....but I will now....here.

I am thankful that Christ died and rose again - conquering sin in my life and in the lives of all who believe in Him. I am thankful that God is merciful though just. I am thankful that He is forgiving - again and again. I am thankful for the many friends and family with whom I am have been blessed. I am thankful for my husband whose love for me transcends my understanding. I am thankful for my children who teach me more about myself each day and challenge me in ways that I did not expect. I am thankful for so much.....

Five and a half years ago my mother passed away after a short reign of cancer in her life. Most people use the phrase "battle with cancer," but mom never really battled. Once she was diagnosed and the outcome was discussed, there wasn't much battling to be done. The doctors were at a loss. Mayo Clinic was at a loss. Our family was at a loss. Isn't there something that someone can think of that can be done? No.
We all sort of knew what the outcome would be, and we just started dealing with that reality. We pleaded with God over and over again - knowing that in the end it wasn't our will that was to be done. One friend went so far (on New Year's Eve) as to state that she was convinced it was God's will for my mom to live. In the end, we knew we would never understand how His will was being done. She didn't live. Six months and 13 days after that friend dared to proclaim God's will to us in a church filled with many others, the reign of cancer ended and mom left us.
Death did not frighten mom. In the last days, she talked (when coherent) about how none of need to fear death, for it frees us from the earthly things that overwhelm us. Death, that unwelcome visitor, arrived in my mom's bedroom on Friday, the 13th of June, 2003.

What does this have to do with thankfulness? I realize that it's a little odd to right about my mom dying on Thanksgiving Eve. But I am thankful that I can write about her. Yes, tears flow, and my heart aches....but I can write about her. I am thankful for all that she taught me even though I wasn't always a willing student, for the way she belived in me even though I didn't always understand her ways of showing that, and for the way that she sheltered me from the nasty things in life even though I begrudged her that for so long. Mothers may not always know best, but she was pretty much on target with some things. For those things, I am grateful. I can't imagine the grace that it took to raise me....

New Moon (#2 in Twilight series) thoughts

I have spent the last two nights falling asleep with the light on and a book falling on my face in order to finish New Moon.

Summary (warning - if you haven't read it....): Edward (the vampire) leaves Bella (and the town iteself) in order to keep her safe. Bella falls into a deep depression but befriends Jacob (who turns out to be a werewolf - the arch-enemy and defeater of vampire). Her friendship (which could could be seen as a new love interest) with Jacob brings Bella back to life. Due to an impending danger (Victoria the vampiress - avenger of her love James who was killed by Edward in Twilight after James kidnapped Bella and attempted to kill her), Alice returns to protect Bella. Through a series of unfortunate events, Bella and Edward are reunited, she is unable to have both Edward and Jacob in her life due to their different issues, and Edward pledges to never leave her again. There is more here...but I don't want to spoil everything!

Highlights: The author does something amazing to depict the absolute despair into which Bella falls upon Edward's departure. The titles of the chapters are the months during which Bella is all but lost to the world. The chapters themselves are blank pages. We find out later that she apparently participates in life but does not interact with it at all. This is an amazing depiction of depression, and I appreciate what the author has done.

Trouble spots:

• Bella basically uses Jacob to regain a spot in life. She is actually more "into" him once she finds out he is a werewolf. This is that standard "bad boy" attraction....why do we emulate heroines who are bent on a conflicting hero? In other words, why do we continue to see this theme over and over in teen literature? Where are the positive relationship models for our teens?
• Bella essentially leaves everything (again) in pursuit of Edward. She leaves family behind with really no indication of what is going on (they would lock her up in a mental institution) and no explanation. If I were her mother, I would not be happy.
• The author treats the concept of "being 18" in the same way that most teens do. They think that they can do anything they want and have no accountability because they have reached some magical age. The reality is that at 18 the parents are no longer legally responsible for their children. The reality is that parents still have every right to determine what is appropriate behavior in exchange for room, board, and all of the other amenities that most parents provide (and often take out a 2nd mortgage to do so).

We need the authors of teen literature to deal with the issues that teens deal with but also to speak into their lives and provide some positive balance. How can we expect teens to treat their parents any differently if their literary role models not helping us out? The teen literature world depicts "reality," and teens then infer that this is how it is supposed to be. But that is not the case.

My oldest child turns 13 in January. It is my hope and prayer that she will not become a defiant teenager. We have laid the ground work now for continual and open communication with her. At the same time, we have ground rules for behavior, chores, and family team work. We do our best to allow our children to make their own decisions, but we also realize that sometimes they need to be told what the right decision is - so that in the future when they are forced to make decisions they will have right decisions as background knowledge.

This is the kind of literature that we need from our authors in the teen realm. We need them to provide us with families that are supportive, that work as a unit for the good of all in the family, and who raise children who are productive members of society.

The isolation of our young people will lead to the destruction of our country. They need to take ownership, to think beyond their own selfish desires, and to know that their families are important.

I realize that not all families are the ideal....but when was the last time you read a teen novel that even presented a supportive family environment as the norm?

The Glass Castle - a must read

Jeannette Walls has captured the spirit of resiliency in The Glass Castle. As a character herself (it is an autobiography), Jeannette provides us with an inside view of life in a family that doesn't fit the norm. Without really passing judgement on her parents, Jeannette allows us to see her childhood through her eyes.

There is a compassion in her story that I find refreshing and rare. In my opinion, this woman has every right to be bitter. Instead, she shares her story in a way that allows readers to question: Should someone have intervened? Jeannette never claims to wish that someone had. In fact, the times when social services are involved in their lives, Walls herself impedes the process. She never lies to social services, but she provides them with a spin on her life that doesn't force their hand in pursuing in the process.

Her story is not one of wicked abuse. Her story is one of parents who just did not seem up to parenting in the way that some of us may hope for parents to act. However, her parents instilled in her some important facets that those with "good" parenting may never have.

This book is worth a first reading for sure, and it may require a second or a third. It is rich, full of hope, and one of the best books that I have ever read.

Twilight thoughts - yes more....

Disclaimer: I have read Twilight. I even liked the book. However, as you can see from previous posts, I have some major concerns about it.

I have a great teenager as a neighbor. Eden is a bright, caring, and articulate young lady. She is not defensive about my thoughts about Twilight (even when my shared thoughts with her dad could have become a bone of contention in their house). Instead, she has entered into conversation with me concerning the book, its high points, and its dangers. She has given me permission to share these thoughts with you.

Eden says: I think anyone 12 and younger should not read it. Eden agrees with me about the mature content. While she is 14 years old, wants to read the books (and has), and will see the movie (with her mom) tonight, she is able to say that the content is too mature for younger readers. She may not include herself in this category, but one can hardly blame her. She has already read all 4 of the books and has enjoyed them. We can't expect total objectivity when one has already enveloped oneself in the material.

Eden is also quick to point out that people need to get a reality check. The character of Edward is a vampire. He is not real. We discussed how Edward is metaphorical (in my mind) of that "one guy" with whom some girls have the likelihood of becoming obsessed. For this "one guy," these girls will forsake friends, family, fun, and - at least from what I hear about later books - their lives. This is sad.

The area of relationships with parents is something that I see as being a huge error of responsibility on the part of the author. Eden and I explored that as well.

Eden: Most teens do not like their parents, and I think that teen authors want to relate to their audience and make themselves seem like the "good guy." At least that is what I think.

Stacy: Hmmmm....good thoughts. That does make me sad, though. Wouldn't it be great for these authors to show teens how to have a good relationship with their parents?

Eden: Yeah but what average teen would read a book like that? Authors try to get the most readers they can.

Stacy: I know that. But - isn't there a way to do both? Maybe the main character has a bad relationship with her parents, but she has a friend who has a great relationship.

Eden: I get what you mean. You should write it.

Stacy: Maybe we should write it together.

Eden: Sounds like fun.

I'd love to know if other people know of teen fiction books that show teens in positive relationship with their parents. If not, maybe that is an area that we need to encourage someone to write a book. This is important. As teens become more and more distant from their families, the society as a whole is suffering. I see this in my career as a teacher.

It's not merely the responsibility of teens, however, to figure out how to have positive relationships with their parents. Parents are pulling away from their children at younger and younger ages. The family as a unit needs to be valued, and parents need to prioritize their children. I have so much more to say about this!!! But...it's late! :)

Twilight Part 2

First of all - thank you to Kari Spears for listening to me ramble about this on the phone tonight.

I have to admit - I like the book Twilight. I would be lying through my teeth and not doing a good job of it if I didn't admit that. That being said, just because I like it doesn't mean that I have to think it's a good idea for children as young as 6th grade (or younger) to read these books.

I've decided what my bottom line problem is with this series (and no, I haven't started the 2nd book in the series even though it is in my house!). Here it is. The reading level is too accessible. The content of Twilight is too for the reading level that it has. Students as young as 3rd grade (good readers) would have no problem reading this book given its reading level. It is marketed and hooused in the Teen Fiction section at Barnes and Noble. The movie (which, yes, comes out this week) is rated PG-13. If a movie of a book requires a PG-13 rating (for violence and extreme sexual tenion would be my guess), the book itself should not be so easily (reading level) accessible to younger students. Books like Frankenstein and Dracula have themes in them that are much too mature for young readers. Fortunately, the reading level of these books are at par with that maturity level required for the readers.

This troubles me. This writer (much like Rowling) intentionally writes at such an accessible level that young students will be drawn to these books. Add on to that the "obsession factor" and combine it with increasingly mature content (one of my teen friends said that the movie of the 4th book will likely be "R" - I have not read it yet, so I have to refrain from stating this myself) in the books to come - you get young students accelerating their exposure to mature content. And the author did this. You can write a book with mature content with higher reading levels - this puts the ability at par with the maturity (hopefully) of the reader.

One more thing: I am deeply, deeply troubled by the modeling of poor relationships in this book. More on that....next time - for now, I have to drive home from Brainerd. :) If you are reading this and have thoughts, I would love to hear them!

If you have not read the book, please do not bash it. That is one of my pet peeves - read it, then pass judgement....if you are in the "mature reader" category. :)

Twilight

I'm just copy/pasting from a conversation on Facebook, so this is fast and random/not well-organized.

Ok - I promise to get to this before the end of the week...I just totally forgot to do something that will require most of my attention tonight for sure. I'll say one thing, though. It's dangerous on many levels, but the "obsession factor" is one of them. These are very much like the Harry Potter books in the sense that the first book is the ...least innocent and leads to darker and darker books.
I'm not saying that no one should read them - but there is content (even in the first book) that is much more mature than most young teens can handle. When do we decide to deceive our parents? Should we deceive our parents? Etc.
Ok - more later...promise.

Next thought: The main thrust of the first book (yes, I'll likely read all 4 of them...it pains me to have to be informed) is the tension between Bella and Edward. The depiction of him as beautiful, perfect, and bright...it's deceiving because he is anything but this on the inside. It resembles the description of Satan in the Bible. Bella is drawn to him - and there is no explanation. She does not ever truly seem to have fear of him - more the fear that her life will not be "the same" without him. This is just classic enmeshment and provides a very unhealthy modeling of a relationship for young teenage girls. "I love him and that is all that matters." NO! There is more to it than that - and do you even know what love is?Then there is the modeling of poor communication with parents. When was the last hero of a teen novel in a functional relationship with his/her parents?? Is art reflecting culture or is it creating culture? I guess I'm running out of room...

The problem with these books is that they are well-written...and are thrilling...and exciting...the tension is so thick - I literally read the entire book last night (granted, I'm a fast reader, do some skimming, and can skip over the dull parts). Ok - so more danger: Bella has no friends that are mentioned from Phoenix, she really doesn't make many friends once in WA, and she instantly clings onto the idea of Edward. This is a girl with no real roots, no support network, etc. And he hones in on her. Now - he is essentially a pedophle. He is over 100 years old, and he is preying on a 17 year old girl. How am I to be ok with this and recommend it to my students - let alone my DAUGHTER! Enough for tonight...I would welcome interaction. I'm going to post this stuff to my blog - so feel free to go there to comment.

My dog is a carnivore....

This should not surprise me. But it did make me pause to consider some things about our own eating habits and desires as humans.



The story. This morning, as I diced tomatoes in preparation for a gathering tonight with friends, our dog (Bagel the Beagle) begged with his eyes to eat whatever it was that I was cutting. We do not allow him into the house, so he peers in through the porch window from his domain into mine whenever I am in the kitchen. He has not had enough attention lately (subject for another post...I could actually change my blog title to - "Dogs and Humans - How we are Similar"), and that makes him whine more. I am a sucker for his whining - it's just so cute.
I decided to give in and let him have half of a tomato. This is where it gets interesting. At first, he looked at me in confusion as if to say, "You gave in?" Then he looked at me with a question, "What is that???" He stared at the tomato, licked, whined in a way that portrayed disapproval, and walked away. This routine repeated several times over the next 10 minutes as the tomato remained uneaten on the ground. He finally did give in and ate the tomato.

What does this have to do with us? Aren't we the same way with vegetables? Sure - there are those who feign a love of vegetables, but do they really mean it? I don't want to say that they don't, but come on, people! Meat - that's what it is all about. My dog knows it, and we do too! However, if we are not given meat, we will eventually eat vegetables. Right?

Just a silly thought....but wanted to share it....

Divorce....

Most people think that divorce is a tragedy. And I agree. It rips families apart. It creates havoc in the minds and hearts of children who then grow up to be adults who have to come to grips with the havoc created. It is horrible. God despises it. Somehow, though, it happens. Selfishness, on whatever level, creeps into a marriage. One or both parties decide to give in to the selfishness. The matter is not resolved. Covenant is torn apart. Lives are forever changed.

But God's redeeming power in our lives is bigger than the havoc. Take my life, for an example of this. Yes, it has taken nearly 30 years for God to take me apart and put me back together again, but I can say that I feel put together - safely in His hands...as He continues to create through His perfect craftsmanship the woman that He desires me to be. There is so much to who I am today...how God has brought me here...and how He will take me beyond even this.

The story (in brief): Paul (bio-dad) met Von (bio-mom) in 1968 or so. Von was supposed to go off to college in the fall, and Paul was stationed at an Air Force base nearby. Boy meets girl; they fall in love, get married, and start a life together. Through a series of whatever - things happened (that I will not mention to keep those alive still happy)...and they divorced. They divorced..after 2 children were born - myself and my younger brother. They divorced. They divorced. They divorced. In 1976 or 1977, I became one of the few, at the time, to live with a single mother. They divorced. Growing up in North Dakota...this was not the easiest thing.
Von later married Rick; Rick adopted my brother and me. Paul later married Maggie; they had my sister Meg. And the divorce rate increased so that, by the time I graduated from high school, I was not the only one in my class to have this blended family experience...one that meant summers in Rhode Island (for me anyway) visiting the extended parts of a mixed family.

There is so much more to this story.... but the reason for this post is to say that God is bigger than this. While He does not ordain divorce or desire for it to occur, He is there in the midst of it when it does. More than that, He can redeem the broken parts of our lives and not fix them in the human sense - but make more of them than we could have ever dreamed.

Bitterness is an option. But bitterness does nothing to our soul but destroy it. It does nothing to our soul but break it down and create even more havoc within us. Bitterness, while an obvious choice for many, should be the feeling from which we flee.

Blogging and Pace of Life

I haven't blogged in a long, long time. The pace of my life has just been too much, and - honestly - I have not wanted to write down anything lately.

Writing things down is a way of archiving the journeys that we take. The push to journal, keep diaries, and have memory books is a push to remember. This is very Biblical, and I want to take that seriously. The whole point of the Passover for the Jewish people was to remember what God had done for them and is doing for them. In a sense, then, I desire to remember...I desire to archive these days and what God has been doing in these days. But I am also torn.

In order to remember and archive in the world of a blog, I have to be willing to open up my heart and life to the readership of this blog. In a way, not blogging is my way of hiding. I want to blog about good things...but when the good things are not what simmers to the top when I log in to my blog, then I would rather not blog...I would rather just hide away. It's a way for me to pretend, to hide, and to keep my "ick" safe. When I started this blog, I wanted it to help other people....do I just have to start sharing and see how it goes?

What would you see if you saw my heart? Today you would see someone who has hit a point of emotional exhaustion. You would see someone who has started to say "no" to things, someone who has started to pull things from her plate and hand them off to others, and you would see someone, who hates to quit, who has started to resign from things. Last week, I resigned from the drug court team that I have sat on for the past year. It took too much of my time and no longer was an area of professional or personal interest. I care about kids - especially the ones who are using drugs - but my time didn't seem to be helping them. On Monday, I resigned from a part of my job. It was a part that initially had been created for me but that has morphed into something that I no longer can say fits who I am.

I can't even write all of the things in my heart right now....because I am struggling with what is appropriate to share in this place. How do I share? How do I communicate? The things that are on my heart are God-given....so I should share....and much of them at this point are victories...there will always be struggles - but God will bring the victory. Amen.

Cousin Time

Beth and Siah (my kids) love their cousins. In early August, 3 cousins (and their parents - Kerry's brother and sister-in-law) joined us for a week on their cross-country trip to Princeton, NJ. It was a great week, and these are just some great pictures. Missing is a picture of cousin Stephen who is now a middle child and ver funny.

The First Week of School

I had been looking forward to this week with great anticipation because I like new beginnings. However, we had decided to put off having students come in to school due to the fact that we changed buildings. So - the first week of school was not really the first week of school...it was just another week getting ready to have the kids. We met with students, set up schedules, etc., but students did not fill the rooms and computer labs on Sept. 2nd. This was hard for me, and I didn't anticipate it being hard!

So...now it's Saturday after the first week of school (my own children also returned for their first week of school...a bit of a rocky start with the bus, of course!), and I think it will be odd on Tuesday - the 2nd week of school - because it will feel like the first week of school. :( Truly a sad thought.

Late Nights and Early Mornings

My life makes no sense with my personality. It's just not fair sometimes.

I am a night person. It's 12:08 a.m. right now, and I am very awake and ready to tackle the world. I would be so happy if I could jump in my car and head up to my school to put books on my shelves and pens in my drawers. Instead...I have to wait until at least 8 a.m. to get to my school because the rest of the world somehow considers midnight to 8 a.m. a good time to sleep. The problem is that if I can't fall asleep, I will be up late and then drag in the morning. I will be unproductive during the time of "day" when others are productive.

Solution: teach online from the USA in a foreign country....in a different time zone.

Sitting across from someone...instant messaging...

Last night I had an interesting experience. I was sitting in a room with 5 other women, and many of us were talking while working and/or scrapbooking or just being in the same room. But starting around 8pm until the wee hours of the night (3:30 a.m.!), I was also instant messaging someone actually in that room - the whole time. It was like carrying on a conversation that should have been off elsewhere...but it didn't have to be - because it was off elsewhere - in facebook to be exact.

In light of the fact that woman cannot actually multi-task (some male scientist claims this), is this a good practice? I'm not sure if the conversation would have ever even started outside of the IM environment. I'm convinced that it would not have taken the hamster wheel effect of coming back around and around to same topics. I'm also convinced that what was written was more like what the two of really thought about the topics than would have ever been spoken.

I am someone who enjoys to write out her thoughts - I know, that is a surprise to those reading A BLOG!!!!!!!!! But really, I enjoy writing more than I like talking sometimes. I have thoughts, my mind races, and I can grab some of the thoughts and type them, edit them, edit them again, and then send them. This is nice because when speaking, I rarely have a filter. I think of things later that I wish that I had not said, and I think of things that I wish that I had said. But when I type them, I can apply the filter as well as keep talking (typing) while the other person is also typing.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think that this should replace all forms of conversation. Being able to engage in conversation and dialogue is by far something that humans must maintain. It is an integral skill as well as important in the communication process. So much is lost in the written only form of communication. This is obvious in the plethora of emoticons that have emerged. However, as I fell asleep last night (approaching 4 a.m.), I was in awe at the event itself. I left knowing someone better and feeling like I had shared parts of me that would not have been spoken as clearly.

Grandmothers

I have two of them still living along with a step-grandma. They each have their own names, and they are each unique....very unique! I love them all....even though distance is a huge problem right now with each of them.

My Grandma Lois (aka Bubbles, Sweet Cheeks, Grammy-Cakes, and many other names that she thinks are very stupid!) is my mom's mom. She grew up on a farm and has worked every day of her life in some way. She will be 85 in February, and she still goes to my dad's (Rick - adopted dad) motel every day to clean the breakfast room and fold laundry. She knows a ton of people, and if she doesn't know someone, she will still talk to them. Everyone is her friend. She still drives, and she goes to visit her "friends" in the nursing home whenever she is not too busy. I love her so much, but her body is starting to show serious signs of her age even though she still has the energy of someone much younger. When I was in high school, I used to go to movies with her, go bra shopping with her, and Christmas shop for eveyone (including me). I think she might have been my best friend then...she even was the first to know I was pregnant with our first child - she pronounced it to me before I even knew myself. Scary.

My Nana is my bio-dad's mom. She lives in Rhode Island and is of English descent. She is very set in her ways, but she is each of her grandchildren's biggest fan. She believes in us even when our own parents question if what we are doing is the right thing. She was not thrilled when I had a child right away in marriage. When I told her I as pregnant for the second time in a year (with Josiah whom she now loves dearly), she proclaimed, "Stacy Ann, you are a bright young woman. Haven't you figured out how to prevent this sort of thing?" Nana married a man who was 100% Italian, and her mother-in-law probably had no idea what she was getting in a daughter-in-law! Nana learned how to cook for her husband, and her kitchen is the setting of some of my fondest memories...also some of my craziest memories (but that is another post!!!).

My Grandma Billie is my step-grandma. She is Rick's step-mom...try to get the family tree straight on that relationship! I don't know her very well, but I have great memories with her. She loved my brother and me...she lives in Iowa; I should go see her some time.

What are we without these women? They pour themselves into us and expect little back except that we think of them, call them, and send them pictures of the great-grandchildren...and we (at least I) pretty much suck at that! Thankfully I call the first two...but I really ought to reconnect with Grandma Billie. She was special.

I thought of these women today because Nana fell and broke her hip. That will really cut into her independence. I don't know what the next few weeks hold for her, and I really wish that August was not here in 15 minutes....if I just had one more week of summer, perhaps I could go and give back to her.....

Another time.....

Silence

I had the awesome responsibility to drive support vehicle for a bike trip (fundraiser for camp) this weekend. While I was in the car (driving 10-20 mph behind the last riders), I had daughter Beth along for company. However, daughter Beth chose to stay and finish the trip (in a car) rather than ride home with me tonight....

There was silence in the car without Beth (and our book on tape).

Silence.

That used to be a scary concept to me. We fill the silence, don't we? Radio. Phone calls. Something to fill it...silence is not a comfortable reality for so many of us.

But silence - stillness - is where God works. Without silence, how do we communicate with Him? how do we hear Him?

I tried to fill the silence and found that the filler was too much. For most of the ride, I sat in silence.

But it was not scary.

It was not quiet.

And it was good.

God is in the silence...and He desires for us to be there...so that we can be found.

Thinking in Blogging....

Last night I hung out with a lot of my favorite people. It happens practically every 1st and 3rd Sunday of the year. Women whom I love dearly. Facebook was a topic of conversation briefly. One friend claims to need a break from Facebook as she has found that she is thinking in Facebook "status" terms.

As I went to bed last night...I thought to myself...I do that all the time with blogging, and I've only been blogging for a few weeks. Seriously, though, I don't get to write blogs all the time, and I have only recently started blogging. BUT I BLOG IN MY HEAD. It's like a fountain of words and phrases and things I think about things and things I want to say out loud. Most of the time, though, if I would say it all out loud, it wouldn't be received well and be understandable (sometimes even to me).

Even tonight...I am thinking and thinking...a bit too fast for the typing. So - tonight, I will just say this and be off. Until another night....

It's not hard to make my mother-in-law happy.....

I honestly used to struggle with my mother-in-law. It's a long story, and it probably needs to remain unpublished. One of the biggest reasons for that is because it's history...and it can remain in the "annals" of my brain because the present is much more pleasant.

Today I drove my mother-in-law from Aberdeen, SD, to Ashley, ND, (90 minutes each way) so that she could take care of some personal business. We talked the entire way there, and we talked most of the way home....I think we were both tired after a good meal at the Dakota something (a cafe in Ashley). At no time was the conversation strained or difficult...it was easy to talk to her, and there seemed to be much to discuss.

This is new...well, at least new in the past couple of years.

And I praise God for that....and I praise Him that today I could make her happy doing something very simple....

Family Times

We are in Aberdeen, SD, tonight visiting Kerry's mom and dad for a few days. And then we head to Grand Forks, ND, for a few days with my dad and Janet.

These are good times...savor family moments...that is what we are to do....

Tonight - many people are on my heart...prayer burdens. Remember to keep your loved ones (family or not....) in prayer...hold them to the Father's ear. I don't completely understand the mystery of prayer....perhaps it does as much for us....

Making Room for God

This morning at practice, the music team was just off. The musician, thankfully, were doing great, but the singers - at least me and another person - were just off. It was awful. We really could not get one song - He Reigns - down AT ALL.



When we quit practicing as people started to enter the church, I walked through the sanctuary and said to a friend, "We are having a really rough time."



Another person had a similar experience, but the response they received was, "Well, where else can God work?" That's exactly it, isn't it? When we "practice" Christianity, do we ever perfect it? And if we did, where would God work?

Keeping Commitments

I just said to my husband, "Sure enough. As soon as I commit to a blog a day, I quit blogging." I said this to him as we were about to fold a last minute load of laundry before Sunday. *Groan* I know - how romantic! :) He said, "Go blog." So - here I am...back on the blogging wagon. I might have to give myself tomorrow off as it is a busy day...Sunday...busy? But that is another blog topic...I digress....

After being married now for 13 years, you would think that I have mastered an ability to keep commitments long-term. That being said, however, marriage is one of the few things that I have ever committed to that I have stuck to....

Something I commit to each night before I go to bed is to stop drinking Coke. Both my husband and my friend Anita give me a hard time about this. Sometimes they become my watch dogs and even take the Coke away from me or prevent me from ordering it at a restaurant. Coke is bad for me; I know it is. It has ripped up my stomach, my intestinal track, and it is rotting my teeth. I have been hospitalized 3 times for kidney stones; diagnosis - too much Coke and dehydration (also a direct issue from Coke as it dehydrates, and I don't drink water if I drink too much Coke). I know that it is bad for me; I need to give it up. I commit to quitting; I reduce the amount that I drink; I tell my son not to buy me one in the morning even though he knows that I will beg him to walk down the alley to Steamworks and buy me one (for $.86!!!!). But I don't quit...I allow myself to remain in this stupid cycle. What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"? What happened to overcoming evil by doing good?

So...then...this brings me to another thought...my commitment to Christ. I have realized recently (through the leadership center stuff mentioned in another blog entry) that my commitment to Christ is terribly weak. However, for some reason, God's commitment to me is quite strong. He brings me into His presence no matter what road I have chosen to travel - even ones completely outside of His will for me. He brings healing to my soul after bringing me face to face with my own depravity and the depravity of others in my life. Why?

So often we question why bad things happen to us when we think, for the most part, we are pretty good people. Why do bad things happen to good people? is a question that many struggle with - especially when being faced with the concept of surrending their life to Christ. In actuality, we are pretty bad people. I don't mean this to put anyone else down - really. But let's face it - we are selfish, self-seeking, self-fulfilling beings who are truly anything but good. The question really isn't why bad things happen to good people....the question really should be why do good things happen to me? Why would God seek to bring things to me...when all I really am is an unfaithful wretch?

Truth: Jesus loves me this I know - for the Bible tells me so.
Beyond understanding: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound - that saved a wretch like me.
How: I am forgiven because He was forsaken; I'm accepted - He was condemned. I'm alive and well; His spirit lives within me...because He died and rose again.

Some verses in the Bible address this (see below). Seek Him; seek His plans for you - for they give you a hope and a future. Amen.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Verses are taken from the NIV version.

A blog a day keeps the doctor away....

I have committed to posting some thought each day. I truly believe that this will be beneficial to my sanity. In a sense, it is the musings of my soul. In another, they may just be the senseless ramblings of someone who should go to bed earlier, get up earlier, and work on a laptop less.

But I must to stick to the topic - which is really "journalling" - for that is what a blog really is, correct? Journalling is something that I have done off and on throughout the years. It typically begins at a rough spot in my life (of which there have been a few) and ends when I have overcome. What is interesting about my recent journalling is that they have come from the assignment of a leadership development group in which I have participated over the past 2 years. Each week we were to write 3 journal entries, and we were to interact with the material and Biblical texts. This began an entirely different type of journalling for me. Rather than focusing on me, my life, and...well...me, as I was used to, I was to focus on material that challenged me in ways that undid the fabric of a tightly woven shell. I had created this shell fairly subconsciously, but God began to make me very conscious of it as we delved into material concerning integrity, honesty, prayer, and spiritual growth.

In the middle of year 1, we wrote and shared our "personal narrative" - the story of God at work in our lives. Wow! What an experience. To look back at critical incidents which developed, shaped, and molded me was awesome. More than that, though, I was overwhelmed with a sense of God's preservation of my life, my mind, and my heart even in times when I was (as I would say it) rebellious or (as another would say it) "wandering and wondering." This undoing of the shell began in about October 2006...and God has been working very hard on me since then to bring healing to my heart and soul in spite of and, to some degree I do believe, because of the "doings" of my own choosing and the incidents that occurred around me and to me.

Whether it be a blog, a journal, or scraps of paper, some record of our thoughts may be beneficial for ourselves in the future. Musings of the mind can be capturing...we can get lost inside of ourselves.

In a sense this blog is a prayer...taking the musings out of my own mind. When we lift them up and out of our minds to God who desires to come and sit in our corners with us....that is what is of benefit to us. Sharing them with another person also can have a similar balming effect on our souls...musings said out loud lose the power to control us. The thoughts that are fears are particularly true in this area. What if I told you this horrid thing about me? How would you react?

The amazing thing about God is that He knows those horrid things about me...and He shines His love through them, over them, and beyond them...and He draws me into the healing waters that create peaceful lakes within our souls....

Happy Birthday, Anita!

Now I will have to send Anita a link to this blog...she wouldn't just happen upon this herself.

Tonight I had the opportunity to celebrate the birthday of a dear friend. It was great to surprise her and be a part of a group of ladies whose sole purpose this evening was to ensure the celebration of her life. Although we are separated by more than 30 years in age, we are sisters in Christ...family. And that is an amazing reality. I have been blessed to know Anita since we arrived in Minneapolis, but in the recent years, she has been a true blessing as mentor and dear friend.

What causes us to choose to enter the life of another person? Why do we intersect in such a meaningful way with some but not with others? What is it about the words of certain people that cut through the crap inside of our hearts and allow us to hear the voice of truth?

Certain relationships have an impact on our lives that we cannot always put into words...even as a "wordy" person, I am struggling to describe this...and therein lies the rub, really. For if we cannot describe the way another impacts us, how can we duplicate the experience and do the same for others? And the real question is this....can this happen without the impact of Christ in our own lives?

Marriage is a good idea

Thank God for the fact that He created marriage. While I definitely don't want to alienate the single friends that I have...I just have to say how happy I am that I am married. There is nothing greater in my life. While I still maintain the need for other relationships and know that they are important, I am thankful that I am married to a man - who though flawed himself - can look at my flaws and still love me completely and with so much grace.

Today may have been one of the best days of my life. Sleeping in until nearly noon. Cleaning my house some...shopping some...working very little...great dinner...great music at church with exceptional musicians desiring to impact others for Christ...decent movie...time with my husband. What more could I want? Now...let's hope for sleep.

Wanderings and Wonderings - The Phrase Does not Belong to Me

I'm amazed at how our lives intersect with the lives of others. We rarely have control over the arrival of a new person in our lives. Someone else is almost always responsible for the "new person's" arrival. Someone else...and God, really. right?? And once that person arrives, our lives are forever changed...often in ways that are more numerous than we can count. Perhaps it is our perspective on life. Perhaps it is how we interact with others. Perhaps it is in how we approach change. Or - it could be all of it. Perhaps - it is just gaining a phrase that then can define us...in a way that finally fits.

Wandering and wondering...that is who I am.

The most fascinating intersection occurred recently in my life. I would be remiss to take any credit for the intersection. One friend mentioned the name of another woman - almost in passing she said, "You should contact (this person) ." I didn't know this person, had never heard the name before, but my friend said I should contact her. I respect my friend; she is a wise woman. After mulling over the name and praying a bit about what this was, I decided to contact her and see what God was up to this time - for He most certainly was up to something; I could tell. Amazingly, the internet makes it possible to contact just about anyone as long as you have a few identifiers...where someone works usually does the trick as it did with this particular intersection. http://www.placethispersonworks.com/ - and there she is...or at least an email address. It was in the contacting email...the first unexpected interaction...that the phrase - wanderings and wonderings - emerged. She said it in a way that resonated so deeply in my heart that I wanted to meet her just so I could put a face and voice to the phrase. And I did...and God spoke. And now I wait to see what He will do next. I don't know what is next.

I'm waiting...wondering...

Beginning Thoughts

Hmmm...yes, I am an English teacher, but I do love the appeal of a rambling blog. And now that I have mastered grammatical "stuff," I can abuse it as much as I want so that I can enjoy the rhythm of writing as I think. There - that's out of the way.

Beginning thoughts: It's not good to take naps on Sunday afternoons...this leads to the inability to sleep on Sunday evenings...which then leads to the desire to work, do laundry, read a book, or try a new adventure - as it approaches midnight. This new adventure - blogging - could definitely be dangerous for someone such as myself. I do realize that blogging is not new; I can't say why I've stayed away from it for so long. Perhaps it seemed too self-absorbed or presumptuous to think that others might want to read what I have to say. But...I've given in - thinking that perhaps it is time to get out of my corner.

I have a tendency to think...a lot. And not all of my thoughts should be heard by others. Most thoughts that actually leave my mind and make it to my mouth have already been filtered - or so I would like to think. I promise to attempt to do some "self-editing" along the way. I also don't want this to become a big complaining spot...but I do have some pet peeves that I'll likely share. Bear with me as I "wander and wonder" (credit belongs to another for that phrase, but I don't know if I can cite her in a blog - for now...I will just say that this is not an original phrase) aloud in cyberspace...or just don't bother to read it if that makes you happier.

Warning: My faith journey is very crucial to my being. I will likely share that in this blog. If that offends...I won't apologize...I will never apologize for my faith.